Eating Humble Cake [...i don't like pie...]

My entire life I have been blessed with great opportunities. Whether it was winning the science fair, attending competitive summer ballet intensives, being nominated for various honors, or just being recognized for any general academic experience, I have been fortunate enough to receive abundant recognition and reassurance that I'm doing well. Still, with such recognition, my parents have always carefully ensured that I maintain the utmost humility. In fact, growing up, it was rare that my various achievements would be the focus of any family conversation or activity; I never got prizes for good grades or rewards for outstanding achievements. Even though it wasn't expected that I would do fantastically and receive recognition, such achievements were not a surprise either.

Consequently, I more often than not downplay how proud I am of achievements. In fact, I am usually embarrassed by awards and whatnot [I'm even embarrassed by my birthday--yes, I am ridiculous]. There are few friends with whom I share any recognitions I've received, because I have this intense fear of coming across as arrogant and overly proud. Even though I enjoy celebrating the achievements of others, I simply cannot get it in my [thick] head that others might enjoy celebrating my achievements [that would just be absurd!].

I have, as a result, diagnosed myself with a case of "over-humility;" it seems that I ate too much of the humble cake when growing up.

My humbleness is out of an extreme desire to be polite and appealing [no one wants to be around an overbearing proud person]. I think that many women expect this kind of humility of themselves in a dire attempt to be accepted and not stand out. And those women who do not act humbly, those women with an intense desire to prove themselves in a world historically dominated by our male counterparts, are precisely the ones who make me want to be even more humble.

See, I think female humbleness is most associated with the "good ol' days" where motherhood was such an honor, prior to the advent of women in the workplace; women's achievements were all deeply personal and associated with the family. Now that women's achievements have extended beyond the domestic realm, I think that more traditionally-centered women struggle with how to recognize any "worldly" achievements they might have. There is an overwhelming sense that any achievement of mine is markedly minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

But this mentality is precisely what limits women from obtaining their clearest definition of self, a true sense of confidence that is both better for themselves and those around them. And I, like others, am guilty of this overly-humble mentality. With over-humility, one fails to celebrate the life which which she was blessed, which is quite sad...quite sad indeed.

I certainly applaud humility [as it is a genuine recognition of personal and human limitations], but as a friend told me, there is such a thing as good pride. It's okay to be proud of achievements...One must simply remember that people enjoy celebrating the achievements of others; it's part of our social nature. Plus, knowing that people are doing good things is a tiny reminder that the world is more full of hope than news headlines often lead us to believe.

So, as long as I maintain a respectful level of pride, I think it is perfectly acceptable to celebrate outstanding things I do. It will take some time to get used to this, but I think it will ultimately result in a greater level of personal contentedness as well as a more genuine humility.

It's about time that I lay off the cake a little bit...