So, this semester has been rough for me. This past week has been exceptionally rough for me. Details aside, I have been going through an array of emotions on a daily basis, ranging from anger to euphoric joy at points. Lots of us go through times like this. You feel like you have no control, like your life is spiraling and moving around you without you having any say in what comes next. At times, you feel hopeless. [Well, at least, that's how I feel some times...lately].
Of course, ways of coping with this include spending time with friends, seeking consolation and help when needed, and just trying to remind yourself of happy things that happen each day [I have recently taken to making a list each day, and it certainly helps]. All of these things provide a certain sense of hope. Now, of course, this hope is fantastically helpful and emotionally healthy, but sometimes I know I want something a little more, shall we say, tangible. I want to be able to do something that actively makes me realize my hope...in little ways.
After some self-reflection, I have come to realize that my way of little-by-little bringing my hope into reality is via my manners. That's right--when I feel exceptionally upset or at a loss for hope, I consciously try to have very, very good manners. I try more than usual to smile and say hello to people when our eyes cross, I focus on little polite rules like holding doors and saying "please" and "thank you," I carry myself in an upright and forward looking fashion despite feeling bogged down [of course, I only intentionally apply these manners when in public...around friends, I think it's important to be able to scream and say whatever you think, since coping with feelings is important]. Essentially, I engage more in my femininity, that is, my inherent desire to reach out warmly to and care for other people.
I have found that this intentional politeness inevitably brightens my day, because the people to whom I am polite almost always smile or say "thank you." Such kindness and gratefulness from strangers fill me with hope and joy, even when I feel like all else is a mess. Although having supportive and caring friends is helpful, it's that unexpected kindness that gives me an often needed boost of joy and positivity. It just goes to show that an awareness of your being, your feminine instinct to reach out to others, is more than just an identity--it is a source of true fulfillment even when you feel at your worst.
