Becoming Katelyn

The other day I was looking through old photos trying to see if I could find a picture to use as my new Facebook profile pic [Come on, we all do it. And on a similar note, anyone who has a camera built in their laptop takes pictures of themselves. Pure facts.] Anyways, I was surprised to realize that I didn't find my appearance in more recently taken pictures to be completely appalling and hideous.

I actually got up to double check that the person in the pictures was actually me, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, "By golly, Katelyn Christine, I say... you are not a hideous-looking person." Never before had I looked at myself that way [that is, as relatively pretty]. I will admit, it caught me off guard, especially since I consider myself to be very pragmatic [perhaps so pragmatic that it sometimes approaches pessimistic]. Normally, I avoid looking at myself in the mirror, and when I do decide to glance at my reflection, I constantly shoot myself down with extreme criticisms of my physical being. But, like I said, this time it was different.

I have mulled over why I could have possibly experienced this sudden change in perception...I haven't started presenting myself any differently; I haven't started a new grooming routine; I haven't taken any "the world is beautiful and wonderful pills" [at least that I know of]; I haven't stopped being pragmatic. So, basically, I've experienced some sort of deep change within myself.

Over the past few years, I really think that I have grown very much as a person. I am now at a point where I am content with who I am. While I had previously thought that this contented state was only with regards to my personality and whatnot, I think this contentedness has extended to my appreciation for myself as a whole. That is to say, my general happiness with who I am personality-wise has expanded to make me generally happy with who I am physically.

I once read something along the lines of, "It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself." Prior to now, I think I had always done just this...I wasn't complete, because I chose to focus on the beauty of the world without and never worried about finding the beauty within myself.

I feel like my personal sentiments are not isolated. I am sure that other young ladies experience similar feelings toward themselves. In fact, guys and gals alike deal with the issue of not necessarily being content with how they look. I mean, who hasn't looked in the mirror and pointed out everything wrong? [Love handles, blotchy complexion, arm fat, ugly hair, oily skin, fat calves...Just watch Mean Girls] It's weird, because we seem to say these things to ourselves without any prompting from another person; we just constantly compare ourselves to those around us and those special, famous people who live in their "bubble of beauty." We focus so much on others in making such comparisons that we essentially avoid completely becoming ourselves [life turns into a 24/7 silently vicious beauty pageant]. And completely becoming yourself inevitably entails completely accepting yourself at all levels.

It's interesting, to me at least, that I became comfortable with my invisible person before my physical appearance. I guess this speaks to human nature [or maybe it's just my nature] in that people tend to judge themselves more frequently/easily with regards to the tangible "wrongs;" it then follows that it is harder to embrace and love one's appearance than it is to love one's innate person.

Most people get so wrapped up in how they compare to others that they don't necessarily find the beauty within themselves. Coming to completely embrace yourself is certainly a long process, but I think it can be helped along by surrounding yourself with positive influences. While I may have made it seem like my recent revelation of sorts has purely stemmed from what I've done, the reality is that I could never have come to such a realization had I not surrounded myself with truly wonderful people who help me grow and show me the beauty in myself that I have a hard time seeing. It's always nice to hear that other people care about and love you, but if you're anything like me, you rarely take it seriously. In all honesty, until recently, whenever people complimented me, I always assumed either that they were being polite or had some sort of ulterior motive. My closest friendships have helped me come to the realization that I am not an all-around terrible person and, in turn, have helped me to come to embrace myself.

Now, I'm not saying that I think I'm perfect [gosh...I'm far from it] or that I am utterly obsessed with my appearance and how wonderful how I am. Rather, I have have come to embrace myself, good and bad alike, and I accept who I am. I truly love the gift of life I have been given and plan to take full advantage of it. It's nice to finally not feel the need to excuse any compliments or constantly bash myself down at all levels. After all, I am only human...perfection is virtually unattainable, no matter how much I control things. I'm sure I'll still have days of intensely criticizing myself--I mean, that's just part of who I am--but at least it won't be all the time. Basically, some of the pressure is off...I have finally become myself.

I expect that this recent revelation will help me to be prouder than ever of my femininity [that's right---more brooches and pearls coming :-)]. Perhaps all women need a similar realization to help them see their wonderfully feminine beauty; for beauty does come from within and takes time to foster [maybe that's why Jane Austen says that a woman can be more beautiful at 29 than at 20].

I hope that everyone, men and women alike, has the chance to experience the joy that stems from embracing all that they are. It is, after all, quite a nice feeling.

"Just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world."-Oprah

RANT #1 [note: very girly discussion to follow]

We all ignore the problem, we all try to look the other way but can't help but look back at the issue, we all never say or do anything to actually solve the problem...No, I'm not talking about anything political. The problem at hand is that of the all-too-liberating "bra-less" revolution. Just last week, I went to 7AM Saturday Mass only to be faced with a woman in her mid-50s sporting a [too small] tennis outfit and...NO BRA. I couldn't stand it. A big part of me wanted to walk over to her and ask her to zip up her [again, too small] jacket to at least cover up the thin, shiny material that revealed everything.

And this isn't an isolated instance. I see women "liberating" themselves by refusing to wear the proper undergarments on an almost daily basis. Upon googling "why women shouldn't wear bras," you will quickly find a website which claims that bras cause breast cancer [insane]. Even if I did encounter a woman not wearing a bra who told me she did it so that she wouldn't get cancer, I wouldn't believe her; I mean, if you're going to refuse to properly dress yourself to oppose social norms, at least be proud of your stance.

So, I guess the train of thought behind NOT wearing a bra may be along the lines of that of Cameron Diaz': "I'm a tomboy at heart!" or something like: "We're all human! Women should embrace their breasts---they are nothing to 'confine.' Bras are just modern-day gurdles that suppress a woman's femininity" While I can kind of, sort of, maybe see where these women are coming from, the facts [well, according to me] are as follows:

• Women simply look nicer when they wear the proper undergarments. Wearing a bra accentuates a lady's nice features, thus accentuating her femininity, and it demonstrates more of an "embracing" of a woman's physical being than not wearing one. There's no point in going bra-less if it just makes people shutter at the sight; if anything, it makes others think less of you because of this terrifying first impression. I mean, if a man decided to never shave to embrace his "masculinity," it would be generally unacceptable.
  
• Not wearing a bra, for most, would most likely prove painful. This is especially true for athletic activities, such as running or tennis [ahem].
• Clothes look better with the proper undergarments. Don't tell me otherwise. I'm right on this one. If you're going to invest in nice clothes, you should don them properly.
• THE ONLY TIME IT'S OKAY to go bra-less is within the comfort of your home, when you have no guests and aren't expecting guests any time soon.
  

Women should be proud to embrace their femininity in every way possible, and wearing the proper support is one such way of embracing our womanly nature. In doing so, a woman clearly, visually separates herself from her male counterparts [especially those potbelly fellows who have large protrusions on their chests...maybe they should wear bras as well to prevent themselves from hurting their backs, but that's another issue completely]. By not wearing a bra, I feel like women are not doing themselves any justice, and it's just not a pretty sight. No one wants to see that much of any woman.

This being said, as my friend Lauren once proposed, I am totally in favor of mandatory bra fittings for all women. Unless a bra fits properly, it won't do what it's supposed to. Come on, haven't you seen those women who have a second muffin top around their ribcage? Or what about those women who choose to have overly-extreme cleavage? Gross, right? Well, if these women were properly fitted for their bras, we wouldn't have a problem. While I'd rather have women wear ill-fitting bras than no bras at all, the reality is that wearing a poorly fitting bra is nearly as bad. A bad bra purchase can yield unnecessary pain for a woman and also sore eyes for all that have to see her.

On a similar note, it is not CUTE to have your bra show through your white t-shirt. I don't care if your bra has Swarovski crystals all over it---it's not meant to be seen. Wear a nude bra...it's better for everyone. In fact, it's not cute to have your bra show EVER; so, like I said, having properly fitting bras is essential to maintaining a stylish and classy appearance.

My message to all ladies:
Go to a department store. Get properly fitted for a bra. Buy bras that look nice under your clothes. You, the people around you, and your clothes [yes, clothes have feelings, too] will all be better off.

Encounter with a Mommy-hater

So, for my last flight home from school I decided to splurge and purchase fashion magazines for my reading pleasure. After staring at the magazine rack before me for about 7 minutes [I am quite indecisive], trying to select magazines to buy, I eventually picked up copies of ELLE and Vogue. Amidst these 500 pages of some crazy-weird fashion advertisements, I picked up on the spring trends [bondage dresses and gladiator sandals FYI...don't buy them--they're hideous and ugly and horrible in every way possible] and read some rather interesting articles. While I found the exposé on Bill Gate's wife to be charming, interesting, and hope-inspiring, I found "Die, Mommy, Die!" to be depressing, upsetting, and all-around terrifying.

That's right, the article is entitled "Die, Mommy, Die!" Of course I had to read it. You see, I have only recently [as in within the past month] come to the conclusion that I can see myself as a mother, and I thought that ELLE magazine would provide some kind of hip interpretation of modern moms in the workplace...at least that's what the blurb before the article led me to believe:

"Why do so many successful women feel the need to blather on about their children in the workplace? Nancy Haas argues that the personal is still political--and it's also a big bore."

So, I thought to myself, I like this Nancy chick. Women, stay-at-home and career mothers alike, should have more to themselves than their children, and they should be able to hold a normal conversation. Right on, Nancy! Yea, I can ignore that extremely concerning, insensitive title--I get it, you need people to read your writing, and that title is certainly an attention grabber. Then, while reading the article, my initial like for Nancy quickly dissolved into hate and then, finally, pity. [Check out the entire article at: http://www.elle.com/Living/Career/Die-Mommy-Die!]

I quickly realized that Nancy's article was more than just a way of encouraging women to take some interest in themselves in addition to their interest in their children...it was a kind of Mommy-bashing arena, calling for moms to kill the mothers within themselves. I thought to myself, "Man, Nancy, I was really rooting for you. I even crossed my fingers after you brutally mocked that mother for being so obsessed with her kids that you would somehow make your article something I could relate to." Then, I lost all hope for Nancy when she said,

It’s not as though I don’t love my daughter. Or that I take her for granted. Infertility made her birth a novel-length saga, and I marvel daily that she’s a healthy, fearless, slaphappy toddler. I am mesmerized by the sound of her Betty Boop voice serenading stuffed animals and moved by the sight of her flapping pigtails as she tears through the playground. Each night before we turn off the lights, my husband and I recap, often in numbing detail, her triumphs and setbacks of the day.

But I have never once thought of her as the best thing I’ve ever done. Perhaps that’s a function of having had a better-than average work life, but it’s also because I’m loath to take credit for my daughter as an accomplishment. Reproducing, even for me, who had to go to such lengths to become a mother, doesn’t feel like a personal achievement; it’s just a natural part of the human cycle. That’s one of the reasons I love being a parent; it’s comfortingly prosaic, delightfully unremarkable. Can you imagine women in small Indian villages standing around the local well asking for reassurance from the others that having their brood of kids is “the best thing they’ve ever done”? It’s a ready-made caption for a New Yorker cartoon.

Pardon?!?!?!?!?! At this point, I was yelling at Nancy in my head [I would have been talking out loud, but I figured that wouldn't be a wise move on my flight]: "Your child is not the best thing you've ever done? You aren't most proud of the beautiful life you brought in this world? It's 'just natural part of the human cycle'? JUST?" I was fuming. I would go on with Nancy's silly thoughts, including her reference to children as "banal, private reproductive life" [utter rubbish] and her suggestion that all motherly inclinations should be left in the household, but you can read the article yourself.

After calming myself down by moving on to decide whether I thought Michele Obama should flaunt her arms as much as she does, I reached the conclusion that I shouldn't be angry with Nancy---I should feel sorry for her. It is truly a shame that she has yet to realize the treasure and the many beauties of motherhood. I feel like Nancy is yet another woman wrapped up in some of the warped ideas of feminism, including,"Men don't talk about their kids non-stop at work, so women should do the same." Well, I hate to break it to you, Nancy, but women are not men. Mothers have an inherently closer relationship to their children than fathers ever will---9 months in the womb will tend to do that. Having children shapes a woman's personhood; it intrinsically changes her. And it changes her for the better at that. Even though a woman cannot put "Mother" on her business resumé, motherhood undeniably shapes her as a person. So, asking mothers to stop talking about their children in the workplace is essentially the same thing as asking mothers to stop coming to work, period. Once you have a child, you cannot all the sudden decide to separate the new, beautiful, budding life you brought into this world from your personal identity [Not that I know this from experience...but I am confident in this statement's validity].

One would think that Nancy, who openly shares her fertility struggles with her readers, would be one of the most excited, over-the-top mothers around. Unfortunately, the ideas of how a woman should be in the workplace seem to have stifled her personal excitement. See, I think Nancy really is an overly-excited mother at heart and that modern society has muffled this excitement; Nancy thinks that expressing motherhood's beautiful impact on her is socially unacceptable and essentially unattractive and unappealing. Yes, I agree that women should be able to talk about more than their wonderful bundles of joy [this, after all is healthy], but the idea of a woman removing herself completely from being a mother at any point in time, even if "just" while at work, is extremely scary and heartless.

Society has no right to tell a mother to prevent her motherhood from molding her person, firstly because this is impossible and secondly because it is a denial of a woman's femininity. I truly feel that motherhood is one of the ultimate expressions of a woman's femininity. It is something beautiful that should be cherished and taken as one of God's most fabulous gifts to women. It is a shame that the demands of modern society and the workplace are making women not embrace this gift as they should. Modernity is making women deny their femininity in the most basic sense when it asks them to sever themselves from motherhood, and it makes me very very very angry. But more than angry, it makes me truly sad. I really feel bad for Nancy and all the other women out there who feel the same way--I also feel bad for their children. It's a shame that it's harder than ever to truly embrace one's femininity. I can only hope and pray that these perceptions will change eventually.

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."

Ah, yes...Coco Chanel. Although I have yet to own any of her classic tweed jackets or one of her irreplaceable quilted, patent leather clutches (I'm still trying to convince my parents that it would be a worthwhile investment), I love that woman's style. She beautifully grasped the concept of femininity not only in fashion but in her outlook on life. Coco's got it right--I mean, doesn't every girl want to be both classy and fabulous? I think it would be hard to find a girl who truly feels otherwise. Now, I emphasize the word "truly" because modern society, as it seems to me, encourages women to stifle the feminine qualities that they all innately possess. Yes, that's right, I said it: Modern society is killing the classy and fabulous woman. Women feel more pressure than ever before to live up to the "standards" of our male counterparts, but it really just turns women into wannabe-guys...ick. I can hear the feminist chitter chatter in my head right now:

A. "Makeup! Blah! That's so archaic. Men don't have to wear makeup. So why should I? People should love me for who I am, not what I cake on my face."

B. "Heels are so confining. They're just a microcosm of the years of subservience women with which women have dealt at the hands of a misogynistic society. I would rather wear these über-comfortable loafers instead."

C. "Cooking is for 1950s cookie cutter housewives, and I'm not one of those women. I won't cook at all unless I am compelled to do so."

D. "I am 100% feminist, so I only spell women 'womyn' because I am not any kind of 'addition' to my male counterparts."

And here is my response to each of the above situations:

A. Makeup wouldn't have been invented if it didn't have a purpose. Although I agree that all women are naturally beautiful, there is nothing wrong with enhancing our inherent beauty. This is, after all, part of what makes a woman truly feminine. There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your physical appearance by enhancing your God-given assets. PLUS, it's stupid to say that men don't have to do anything to maintain their appearance. I highly doubt any woman in her right mind would approach a man with terribly overgrown, mismanaged, and mangled facial hair. Putting on mascara (all that is really needed given a well-taken care of complexion) is a much easier task than shaving one's face.

B. Heels accentuate a woman's naturally beautiful figure. A woman should never shy away from embracing her feminine form, because the minute she does so, she in fact gives in to male dominance. I think women should strive to separate themselves from their male counterparts to truly establish their own, individualized role in society. That's not to say that I oppose women striving for equal rights and whatnot (I really am ALL FOR IT), I just think it can be done in such a way that maintains the "traditional" roles of both women and men. Come on, everyone, guys and gals are not at all the same. O, and über-comfortable, stylish loafers are acceptable, but only with jeans or dress trousers. Heels, however, always give a lady a sense of power and demonstrate immense confidence---a guy couldn't stand even the thought of donning 4-inch Manolo Blahniks.

C. Don't shoot down the 1950s lifestyle. There is something to be said for a traditional household, and no one can try to tell me otherwise. Cooking can be quite relaxing, and I, for one, enjoy it. I cannot wait for the first time I get to cook a meal for my family. I feel like cooking for your loved ones is one of the most basic ways to show affection and love for other people. And you can wear (if you like) a super-cute apron in the process...just one of the added benefits of cooking up delicacies. Basically, don't hate on it until you try it.

D. This last statement is just plain stupid. Any word whose recorded first use dates to 1975 shouldn't count [Saying "womyn" is a word is like saying "bootylicious" is a legit word]. And, is there anything wrong with the notion of complementing another human being? After all, it's in our human nature to interact with one another, so it should be embraced as wonderful that a word in the English language, i.e. "woma(e)n," can embrace that essential aspect of our humanness. Like I said, "womyn" is just silly.

Now that I've seemingly ratted on feminism, I best clarify my viewpoints.

I love feminism. I love women who strive to be strong and powerful. I love women who develop strong careers and raise wonderful families on their own. I love women who truly define themselves separate from societal norms.

I also love aprons...and cardigans...and pearls...and a-line skirts...and brooches...and cashmere...and baking...and families...and stay-at-home moms.

So, I write this blog not to hate on feminism but to simply provide a complementary opinion to the feminist ideas that permeate society. In my eyes, feminism and femininity have become mutually exclusive when they really shouldn't be. I really think that a lady can embrace her truest self, her absolutely wonderful femininity, and maintain a degree of power and respect while upholding the classic definition of femininity---not that this is, in any way, an easy task. I want to encourage people to take a second look at women's roles in society and to reconsider their opinions on the ideas of traditional roles of men and women. Look at Coco Chanel---she wonderfully upheld femininity while building an impressive fashion empire. We need to come to embrace feminism and femininity together, just like Coco.

Before I proceed with this blog, I should probably share a little more about me. I am a 20 year old student at Georgetown University studying Government with a focus in Political Theory. I come from a traditional, Midwestern family where my father works and my mother stays at home; I have 2 younger sisters and 2 dogs. Most of my involvement in college has been with a variety of Catholic stuffs, and I find this involvement to be a defining part of who I am as a person. I enjoy fashion and shopping very much, because I enjoy expressing myself in clothing; I am well-noted among my friends for my brooches. Clothing is a way of expressing my pride in myself, my pride in being a young lady with an eye for the classic, traditional fabulousness that has long since disappeared from American society.

Now, with all this being said, I am in no way a close-minded individual. I have been exposed to a variety of lifestyles during my short life; in fact, I have witnessed various rebellions of sorts within my household led by my sister--I tell you this to let you know that my parents have not shoved their opinions down me and my sister's throats-- I want you to know that my views are my own. Even my own mother laughs at my fashion sense. Just the other day she told me a skirt suit I purchased looks like something a nun would wear; what was my response, you ask?: "Mom, a nun would never wear an exposed zipper top with a high waisted, properly darted pencil skirt. Plus, if I pair it with a brooch, silk scarf, and patent leather heels, this outfit will certainly be modern." I think my mom just laughed, wondering where the hell I came from.

Basically, my parents have helped to maintain an extremely open-minded household. And while I completely love the way I grew up, I understand that it's not for everyone, and I have seen the ups and downs of being a stay-at-home mom in my own household. I just want you to know that I am neither jaded nor sheltered.

I don't always wear makeup, I don't only wear high heels, I wear jeans/trousers 95% of the time, and I enjoy my tennis shoes as much as the next girl. I just want this blog to encourage a greater appreciation for all things feminine, that is, things that inherently make a woman feminine [her thoughts, her natural femininity] as well as more superficial things like clothing and fashion; because, if it were practical, I probably would dress to the nine every day. I am sure this blog will contain rambling posts, trying to convey my emotions and opinions. After all, I am a 20 year old lady, and we all tend to be a little on the crazy side at times. This should prove to be an interesting exploration of who I am as a person...May we all enjoy!

CHEERS!