The newest bane of my existence...

GLADIATOR SANDALS

They are ugly ugly UGLY. The ones that go up your leg look like trellises [ladies, trellises are for gardens, not your feet]. Even the tamer gladiator sandals that are only bondage up to your ankle are ugly. Beyond being hideous, gladiator sandals prove extremely impractical if you buy the genuine ones with all of the laces and buckles...and if you buy the FAKE gladiators with eazy-zipper backs, you just look silly and lazy [if you're going to give into an ugly trend, give in completely].

They are such atrociously masculine shoes. They are unattractive with all clothing items and make ladies' legs look like tree stumps with distorted vines growing up them. O, and the stiletto gladiators are the worst [they are completely stupid].

Why on earth would ladies want to wear shoes traditionally worn by men who slayed lions? I understand that women want to assert their feminine power in their wardrobes, but I really don't think wearing gladiator sandals is the way to do it. It just makes girls look silly and like male gladiator-wannabes, which undermines the goal of asserting any sort of feminine power. Ladies should wear nice, simple sandals and pick out smart clothing pieces instead.

Unless you're on your way to slay a lion, gladiator sandals are unacceptable. Period.

Feminine? I think not.
Chic? Heck no.

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

I remember my mom once explaining to me that she had hoped she'd have all boys: 1) because she only had brothers and, therefore, had a better idea of how to raise boys and 2) because she thought girls whined too much [as fate would have it, my mother was blessed with 3 somewhat challenging daughters]. At first, I was slightly offended and said, "O, come on, Mom, I don't whine." My mom just gave me a look, and I soon retracted my claim: "Okay, maybe I do whine sometimes."

It is simply a fact that girls whine and complain [at least I do]. Now, I'm not saying that this is a trait only found among females...guys do their fair share of whining as well. The fact of the matter is, though, complaining is a trait much more associated with girls than guys. Why is this? Well, one argument is that it brings attention, and most girls very much enjoy attention [very true]. Another argument is that girls really are just cranky and unhappy [not so true in my opinion]. And yet another argument is that girls don't understand really how else to get their opinions across in a world that has historically denied women any strong voice with which to take a stance.

I tend to think that the reason is a combination of the first and last ones I mentioned. Undeniably, complaining does bring about attention, but I think that complaining for attention should be characteristically associated with girls in their younger years. Growing up with two sisters, complaining about things was an easy way to get my parents to listen to me amongst the never-ending competition to see who could get the most attention [that is, until my parents caught on to my game]. As girls grow into young ladies, I think this childhood cry for attention at a baser level evolves into a more mature cry for a voice in a society that, to many, may seem very misogynistic. Whining and complaining seemingly becomes the "only" way for women to have their voices heard. And I, personally, feel that this expression of complaining/whining as the only mode for change is actually embraced by some extreme feminists who choose to make claims like, "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention." The reality is, though, that such feminist behavioral beliefs undermine genuine concerns and only help support the stereotype of girls being annoyingly whiny.

If women really want to be heard, they will speak rationally and not uphold stereotypes [such as, "women are whiny bitches"]. Ladies need to take a lesson from our male counterparts and stop complaining about things all the time. If you complain all the time, the world soon becomes a terrible place to be because you only see what's wrong with it. Rather than whine, ladies should take it upon themselves to put all of their whining energy into positive actions to put an end to whatever they're complaining about [this, after all, is far more productive and also helps build character and respect among mankind]. My female companions should also work to find the good in this world.

I admit that I whine...I complain. But I don't think I complain out of disdain for the world around me; I'm more of a 3 year old girl when I complain. I do think, however, that society kind of fosters this general attitude of whining as the only method for women's voices to be heard. That is, I feel like all whining is a result of something bigger than women themselves--it's almost like whining is expected [case in point, what my mother expected of daughters]. So, it's a perpetual cycle of whining...it's "just what girls do." But I argue that it's NOT what girls should do.

Whining is relatively unproductive in addition to being generally unbecoming and unattractive in almost all serious circumstances [minor whining about things like bothersome boys and annoying habits, in my opinion, is okay and part of what makes a girl a girl]. Perhaps expectations need to change so that whining about important issues is unacceptable at all ages of a girl's life, so that she'll be more productive with her quams with the world and actually do stuff about her complaints. One way of doing so would be to create a supportive environment in which girls are empowered from a young age to embrace their femininity completely, to embrace the beauty of the world completely, and to embrace life itself. This way, girls will have a more positive attitude towards life and, at the same time, come to love being a woman at a much younger age. I imagine that a world full of proudly feminine ladies would have much less whining, because if women truly embraced being women they would express opinions in a more honorable way than whining...they would consciously know that they are better than that. Thus, society needs to change perceptions so that whining is no longer an intrinsically feminine characteristic.

In conclusion, whining is unproductive, unbecoming, unattractive, and basically unladylike---so women should avoid whining [I need to start taking my own advice it seems...this'll be a process]. Essentially, ladies need to stop bitching and start doing something more productive.


[But since whining is so deeply ingrained in our interactions, it'll probably take a while for girls to stop being unduly whiny...bummer]

Why I hate Spring

I love the colder months. Wearing coats, scarves, gloves, and hats brings me joy every day. Beyond my personal fashion preferences, though, winter also forces people to sufficiently cover themselves. Even if people are wearing ill-fitting clothes in the colder months, it is at least masked under darker colors and hideously puffy down jackets. Thus, winter saves my eyes from any unbecoming images.

Spring brings the donning of obnoxious colors and unspoken competition for who can expose the most epidermis. Women are especially guilty of engaging in these ugly fashions. It seems that as soon as the thermometer rises to a temperature over 55 degrees, ladies are determined to show off their bodies. It's as if they say to themselves, "Yes! Now I can wear that super-short, muffin-top creating, cellulite-showing skirt that is about three sizes too small!" I just want to hit them all on the head to make them realize how stupid they look.

Just because Agyness Deyn can wear mini-skirts doesn't mean that everyone else can. Just because it's spring doesn't mean you have to wear all white or only neon colors. Girls need to realize what looks good on them. If they cannot realize it themselves, they need to find someone who can decide for them [that is, they need to find a bluntly honest friend...or just a bluntly honest person for that matter]. It is NOT OKAY to walk around wearing clothes that do not fit your body and, therefore, do not do you any justice. Mini skirts belong to pre-teens, and obnoxiously bright colors belong in the eighties. Bra-exposure is always unacceptable. And if you have to constantly pull something around to make it lay properly, it doesn't fit you. Most importantly, if you can see your panty-line, it definitely doesn't fit.

Girls need to remember that size is just a number. I can walk in one store and wear a size 4 and then the next store and wear a size 8 [ladies' clothing sizes in the U.S. are not standardized...very frustrating]. Wearing a smaller size or clothing from the teen section does not suddenly make you look younger [it actually ages you]; rather, wearing more simplistic clothes that fit make you look younger and just generally more feminine [mini skirts and belly tops=whorish, not feminine]. Wearing clothes that FIT is the best way to look and feel good; it also saves the rest of us from having to look at unsightly appearances.

On a similar note, panty hose with shorts or open toed shoes is stupid. Don't do it. It makes you look like you should be on Golden Girls.

Who wants to look like a Golden Girl? Not I.

So, ladies need to learn to buy clothes that fit and come in colors that complement their skin tones. Don't worry about the latest trends, don't worry about sizes, don't worry about whatever the celebrities are wearing. Just buy what fits and looks good. Here are some of my personal suggestions for appropriate spring attire that can [and should] be worn by all young ladies:

-Walking shorts
-Sundress [preferably A-line cut that ends just above the knee]
-A nice pair of sandals
-Brightly colored cardigans
-Cotton blouses
-Collection of basic t-shirts [important to have multiple white t-shirts]
-Good pair of jeans [no rips, no frays, no acid wash]

Example of Proper Attire: Audrey Hepburn

Just because it's spring doesn't mean we can throw decency and classiness to the wayside. The best way to embody your femininity is to wear your clothes properly and not let your clothes wear you. Simplicity is beautiful. Piecing together a classic crew-neck tee with a pair of khaki walking shorts and some smart sandals looks classy, smart, and beautifully feminine. There is a reason that certain items are labeled "classic"---because they're good, tasteful clothing items that all should don. The best way to express femininity is through understated clothing pieces...not distastefully offensive skin-bearing clothes. If you want to spice up your wardrobe, do it with bright cardigans and sparkly accessories [like brooches], not hideous clothes.

Just keep it classy, ladies.

Rant #2

I will never forget watching one of the more recent episodes of The Office when a situation that I had recently experienced actually came up. See, Kevin meets this girl he likes, but instead of just asking her out, he decides to inquire, "Do you have an email address?" I almost died of laughter...I thought I was alone in my encounter with someone trying to build some sort of relationship upon the foundations of indirect, technologically-mediated, human contact. My story is as follows:

One day, "Bob" approaches me while at work, which he never does

Bob: Katelyn, you left this.
Me: O, thanks. (Bob keeps standing awkwardly, and I start looking around for potential conversation-exits)...Is something wrong?
bob: I was just wondering if you have an email address.
Me: (giving Bob my "o my gosh you are insane" look) As a matter of fact, I do. Why do you ask?
Bob: I thought we could start an online conversation.
Me: (At this point, I know what's coming, and I just keep thinking, "This guy needs to grow a pair") About what?
Bob: School and stuff.
Me: Ah. Well, I really don't have time for that.
Bob: You mean you don't have time to email?
Me: No...I just don't have time for that kind of conversation...But I'll let you know if that changes. I'll see you later (I turn around and thank God for that conversation's end)

Apparently, the writers of The Office have picked up on this kind of interaction as well [at least I'm not alone...and, as my friend Amanda assured me, at least Bob didn't try to sell me paper].


We live in a world where people find technological means of communication to be completely acceptable for almost anything. The fact of the matter is, this simply isn't the case. If a guy wants to ask a girl out, he should ask her out and not ask for her email address...that's just creepy and awkward and lame. Beyond my personal anecdote, though, modern society has found an over-confidence of sorts when using technology to communicate.

I find that people tend to be too bold when they communicate by non-verbal technological means. People simply don't think through their thoughts completely when they are using their thumbs to relay information. This leads to messages that can either be horribly misinterpreted or that can really be insensitive. After all, it's a lot less threatening to send a text message [a text message holds no immediate consequences, unlike an actual conversation which yields an immediate response] than it is to actually talk to someone.

People need to grow up. Life isn't a series of electronic messages...life is real. Thus, when communicating about any topic that is or could potentially be sensitive, I think people should make every effort to communicate face-to-face or at least through telephone conversations. This is 1) much more efficient and 2) much more considerate and thoughtful.

I almost feel like getting an actual phone call, actually hearing one of my friend's voices is a special treat. Yes, I understand that text messaging has its conveniences like when you want to make last-minute dinner plans with a bunch of friends, but is it too much to ask that you call me with a question instead of making me endure a 10-message long texting conversation that proves cumbersome, distracting, and very inefficient? I mean, I shouldn't call a friend with a simple question to hear them say, "That's all you called for?" I also shouldn't call a friend and leave a voicemail to receive a text message response---that's just RUDE. Finally, if a friend tells you that they don't like text messaging [ahem], be considerate [after all, it's a good way to show that you genuinely care] and try to get in touch with them through other modes and use texting as a last resort.

With these rather inconsiderate possible responses to phone calls, I can't help but think: I'm sorry, should I not call a friend about whom I care very much with a question? Should I send an impersonal, annoying text message instead? If this is so, then I suppose I should apologize for being a considerate, kind, caring person who enjoys talking to my friends no matter how mundane the topic may be.

I'm not going to lie and say that I've never sent a text message [because I certainly have and will continue to do so as I deem necessary], but every time I send one, I do NOT like it [I hate it hate it hate it HATE IT]. I am also not going to be unrealistic and call for people to abandon their text-messaging ways completely. I just want people to think before the next time they choose how to contact someone. In all honesty, a phone call [or even a kindly worded email] means a lot more and comes across more sincerely than a text-message.

[NOTE: This being said, I find "inside-joke" related text messages to be acceptable...simply because it would be genuinely awkward to call someone to relay a one-liner. I also find bulk, last-minute plan, text-messages to be acceptable simply for efficiency and inclusion reasons. (see, I'm not completely anti-technology)]

It's all about staying classy [come on, what epitomized lady would communicate via text messaging instead of a classy invitation or memorably witty phone call?] and keeping this hierarchy in mind:
Real, in person conversation > video chatting > phone call > email > text message.

So, next time you are about to get in touch with someone, I beg of you to consider your relationship and the intended nature of the conversation you need to have....Just think about it...Pretty please.

The Art of Being Politely Disdainful

Pretending to like everyone is extremely stressful. Constantly putting on a facade of "like" can quickly start to tear a person apart. I know it all too well. Freshman year, I had a really terrible roommate situation, and instead of just making it work as a mutually respectful roommate environment, I made a conscious decision to force a friendship. But the thing is, it wasn't a friendship---it was a fake friendship. Perhaps I should clarify [girls are rather confusing creatures].

See, girls have a tendency to think that they have to be "friends" with everyone, and what this really means is they think they have to act as if they like everyone in order to be proper girls. So, girls build up pretend relationships with people. The relationships established are kind of, sort of, sick utilitarian friendships, where instead of extracting something from the other poor girl wrapped up in the fakeness, the girls extract something from the presentation of being totally amiable in society's eyes. For example, with my freshman year roommate situation, it meant that I got to maintain the image of an idyllic roommate relationship [even though we really didn't have a relationship that was beneficial in any way; in fact, it was quite dreadful]. I got to live in a fantasy world of perfection that was really a world of emotional turmoil.

Creating such fake worlds becomes dangerous for all parties involved, because everyone wrapped up in it runs the risk of getting seriously hurt AND because it's simply unhealthy to ignore one's actual feelings. I have come to the conclusion that it's really not worth anyone's time to pretend like they like someone when they really don't. It just becomes something else about which to worry and calculate. Every time you run into someone with whom you have established a pretend friendship, you have to think carefully about everything you say so as to not give way to your real feelings.

The thing is, though...people aren't stupid. They can tell when you don't like them. That's why I have come to embrace the Emily Gilmore lifestyle of polite disdain. When you don't like someone, simply be polite and not friendly. For example, if I were to encounter Betsy, a purely hypothetical girl who I really just don't like [because she is rude, obnoxious, outspoken, and a generally ugly person who is like a porcupine to my skin], our conversation may go like this:

[Walking across Healy Lawn]
Betsy: Hi, Katelyn! How are you doing?
Katelyn: I am doing very well. Thank you.

Yup. That's it. Nothing impolite happening there--completely acceptable. I avoid any potential effort on her part to create a friendship[or fake friendship, or frenemy relationship, or...you get the idea] by not asking her a question in turn. Both parties are protected from any potentially harmful relationship efforts, and we can carry on our days without feeling badly about being rude.

Creating clear boundaries yields happiness, because your expectations are determined and accepted. There is no fakeness, and this means that you are living and behaving truly with regards to your feelings and your deepest sense of self; and when you are true to yourself, you are happiest. When you waste your time on fake relationships, you lose opportunities to focus your energies on building genuinely good friendships that help you better define yourself and make you a better person, the kind of person you want to be. No one wants to be someone who constantly lies to both themselves and those around them for the sake of putting on a masquerade.

I think that the reason girls have a reputation for generally catty relationships is because they refuse to abandon the societal ideal that all girls should be BFFs. O, please. Everyone knows that we all can't be friends [especially girls, sometimes we are so super-duper emotional...that estrogen can easily become too much], but we can generally respect each other. In my opinion, the best way to respect those around you is to be honest with them, and it is simply easiest to be honest with others when you are honest with yourself. Relationships degenerate into "frenemy relations" when involved parties feel the need to maintain a facade of friendliness that covers up truly hateful and hurtful behaviors.

If girls didn't feel this intense desire to be friends with everyone, we would avoid the general bitchiness and cattiness that are stereotypical of their relationships. Girls just need to realize that their fake friendships are exactly that--FAKE. They must acknowledge that they don't come across as friendly--they just come across as sick and twisted. If girls ever want to be viewed as anything other than completely crazy by our male counterparts, I suggest we start by putting an end to our bizarrely torturous relationship mechanisms.

So, ladies, next time you encounter a person you really don't like, I beg of you to behave honestly [note: not rudely]. This way, there will be no hard feelings on either side and you won't build up any unhealthy, pent-up aggression that leads to frenemy relationships. Let's practice with another hypothetical example right now:

You run into Beatrice, your long-time frenemy who is constantly rude and ill-behaved:

Beatrice: Hi [insert your name here]! How are you doing?
You: Very well, Beatrice. Thank you.

And all the while, you can be emotionally honest and think to yourself, "Bitch, leave me alone." And you will express this somewhat rude sentiment in a polite manner that is both socially acceptable and honest. Beatrice will get the idea and know the boundaries of your relationship, and you will be able to avoid any long drawn-out conversation in which you would have several more [if you're like me, probably several hundred more] rude thoughts that make you feel like and become an ugly person.

See, polite disdain is just better for everyone. Remember, you just have to respectfully love everyone---not like them.