Why I hate Spring

I love the colder months. Wearing coats, scarves, gloves, and hats brings me joy every day. Beyond my personal fashion preferences, though, winter also forces people to sufficiently cover themselves. Even if people are wearing ill-fitting clothes in the colder months, it is at least masked under darker colors and hideously puffy down jackets. Thus, winter saves my eyes from any unbecoming images.

Spring brings the donning of obnoxious colors and unspoken competition for who can expose the most epidermis. Women are especially guilty of engaging in these ugly fashions. It seems that as soon as the thermometer rises to a temperature over 55 degrees, ladies are determined to show off their bodies. It's as if they say to themselves, "Yes! Now I can wear that super-short, muffin-top creating, cellulite-showing skirt that is about three sizes too small!" I just want to hit them all on the head to make them realize how stupid they look.

Just because Agyness Deyn can wear mini-skirts doesn't mean that everyone else can. Just because it's spring doesn't mean you have to wear all white or only neon colors. Girls need to realize what looks good on them. If they cannot realize it themselves, they need to find someone who can decide for them [that is, they need to find a bluntly honest friend...or just a bluntly honest person for that matter]. It is NOT OKAY to walk around wearing clothes that do not fit your body and, therefore, do not do you any justice. Mini skirts belong to pre-teens, and obnoxiously bright colors belong in the eighties. Bra-exposure is always unacceptable. And if you have to constantly pull something around to make it lay properly, it doesn't fit you. Most importantly, if you can see your panty-line, it definitely doesn't fit.

Girls need to remember that size is just a number. I can walk in one store and wear a size 4 and then the next store and wear a size 8 [ladies' clothing sizes in the U.S. are not standardized...very frustrating]. Wearing a smaller size or clothing from the teen section does not suddenly make you look younger [it actually ages you]; rather, wearing more simplistic clothes that fit make you look younger and just generally more feminine [mini skirts and belly tops=whorish, not feminine]. Wearing clothes that FIT is the best way to look and feel good; it also saves the rest of us from having to look at unsightly appearances.

On a similar note, panty hose with shorts or open toed shoes is stupid. Don't do it. It makes you look like you should be on Golden Girls.

Who wants to look like a Golden Girl? Not I.

So, ladies need to learn to buy clothes that fit and come in colors that complement their skin tones. Don't worry about the latest trends, don't worry about sizes, don't worry about whatever the celebrities are wearing. Just buy what fits and looks good. Here are some of my personal suggestions for appropriate spring attire that can [and should] be worn by all young ladies:

-Walking shorts
-Sundress [preferably A-line cut that ends just above the knee]
-A nice pair of sandals
-Brightly colored cardigans
-Cotton blouses
-Collection of basic t-shirts [important to have multiple white t-shirts]
-Good pair of jeans [no rips, no frays, no acid wash]

Example of Proper Attire: Audrey Hepburn

Just because it's spring doesn't mean we can throw decency and classiness to the wayside. The best way to embody your femininity is to wear your clothes properly and not let your clothes wear you. Simplicity is beautiful. Piecing together a classic crew-neck tee with a pair of khaki walking shorts and some smart sandals looks classy, smart, and beautifully feminine. There is a reason that certain items are labeled "classic"---because they're good, tasteful clothing items that all should don. The best way to express femininity is through understated clothing pieces...not distastefully offensive skin-bearing clothes. If you want to spice up your wardrobe, do it with bright cardigans and sparkly accessories [like brooches], not hideous clothes.

Just keep it classy, ladies.