Eating Humble Cake [...i don't like pie...]

My entire life I have been blessed with great opportunities. Whether it was winning the science fair, attending competitive summer ballet intensives, being nominated for various honors, or just being recognized for any general academic experience, I have been fortunate enough to receive abundant recognition and reassurance that I'm doing well. Still, with such recognition, my parents have always carefully ensured that I maintain the utmost humility. In fact, growing up, it was rare that my various achievements would be the focus of any family conversation or activity; I never got prizes for good grades or rewards for outstanding achievements. Even though it wasn't expected that I would do fantastically and receive recognition, such achievements were not a surprise either.

Consequently, I more often than not downplay how proud I am of achievements. In fact, I am usually embarrassed by awards and whatnot [I'm even embarrassed by my birthday--yes, I am ridiculous]. There are few friends with whom I share any recognitions I've received, because I have this intense fear of coming across as arrogant and overly proud. Even though I enjoy celebrating the achievements of others, I simply cannot get it in my [thick] head that others might enjoy celebrating my achievements [that would just be absurd!].

I have, as a result, diagnosed myself with a case of "over-humility;" it seems that I ate too much of the humble cake when growing up.

My humbleness is out of an extreme desire to be polite and appealing [no one wants to be around an overbearing proud person]. I think that many women expect this kind of humility of themselves in a dire attempt to be accepted and not stand out. And those women who do not act humbly, those women with an intense desire to prove themselves in a world historically dominated by our male counterparts, are precisely the ones who make me want to be even more humble.

See, I think female humbleness is most associated with the "good ol' days" where motherhood was such an honor, prior to the advent of women in the workplace; women's achievements were all deeply personal and associated with the family. Now that women's achievements have extended beyond the domestic realm, I think that more traditionally-centered women struggle with how to recognize any "worldly" achievements they might have. There is an overwhelming sense that any achievement of mine is markedly minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

But this mentality is precisely what limits women from obtaining their clearest definition of self, a true sense of confidence that is both better for themselves and those around them. And I, like others, am guilty of this overly-humble mentality. With over-humility, one fails to celebrate the life which which she was blessed, which is quite sad...quite sad indeed.

I certainly applaud humility [as it is a genuine recognition of personal and human limitations], but as a friend told me, there is such a thing as good pride. It's okay to be proud of achievements...One must simply remember that people enjoy celebrating the achievements of others; it's part of our social nature. Plus, knowing that people are doing good things is a tiny reminder that the world is more full of hope than news headlines often lead us to believe.

So, as long as I maintain a respectful level of pride, I think it is perfectly acceptable to celebrate outstanding things I do. It will take some time to get used to this, but I think it will ultimately result in a greater level of personal contentedness as well as a more genuine humility.

It's about time that I lay off the cake a little bit...

What comes next?

One of my friends recently sent me a link to the oh so lovely NY Times article, "Blue is the New Black" by Maureen Dowd. In the article, Dowd asserts that the reason women are less happy now then about 30 years ago is because new gender-equality has presented women with an over-abundance of choices: marriage, work, family, kids, travel, etc., etc. Of course, I don't think this is the case at all. In fact, I think that Dowd and everyone in accordance with her are quite out of their minds and underestimating women [Of course choices can be stressful (duh)! But everyone has to make them, and having to make decisions does not yield long-term "less-than-happiness"].

My gut reaction in response to Dowd's assertions was that women are in this general "funk" of less-than-happiness , not because they can't handle the stress of choice, but rather because they have yet to truly embrace themselves, that is, they have yet to truly love being women [yes, one of my favorite themes].

But after some thought and personal reflection, I don't think my gut-reaction was right.

See, I have found myself in a "funk" lately, as well, and I think that my "funk" of less-than-happiness parallels what many women may be feeling now. I have always been one to look for what comes next, whether it be colleges, work, internships, or any other kind of opportunity. I thrive on the potential for something else, something new. But what happens when there isn't anything next? What happens when things are working out and the next is already kind of figured out? Or, worse, what if there is no obvious "next"?

I am currently settled in at school, buckled down for another approximately 2 years of undergrad. There's nothing "next" other than grad school, which is pretty much a given, and (hopefully) a family. Now I'm creating the next, the next is waiting for me to take it...I'm no longer waiting for the next to happen. Now the next is up to me; there's no set plan [hopefully this is making some kind of sense outside of my head].

Like me, women are unsure of what comes next....there's no clear plan for what to aim for, since it seems that we now have that for which we were waiting. See, prior to all of the workplace and societal advancements towards greater gender-equality, women were always waiting for their "next"--the realization of rights that they knew they deserved, so there was some kind of intrinsic excitement and purpose among the female population. Now that this "next" has generally come, women are faced with a lull, a time of not waiting for any kind of "next," a time of awkward uncertainty and lack of intrinsic purpose.

This is not to say that advancements still need not be made in favor of women, but it is to say that things have undeniably come a long way in favor of women.

Thus, as far as I can tell, this lack of happiness that Dowd notes among the female population, is a lack of a new "frontier" for women rather than an overwhelmed stress. So, perhaps women need to pick up a new next; perhaps, in order to be happy and feel purpose-driven once again, women need to take a look at themselves and learn how to truly love themselves for all that they are. Perhaps women need to take a closer look at what it means to be a woman; they need to look at the graces bestowed upon them. They need to learn how to embrace their newly found rights and not lose their intrinsic femininity.

Ladies just need to learn to be genuinely content with where they are.

That's what I'm trying to do. And I think that's a pretty good next.

cut it

I'll never forget the day I sat down in the salon chair and told my stylist, "Cut it--all of it. I want to see my ears. I don't want to be able to pull my hair back at all. Just cut it."

After having long-ish hair for the first 19 years of my life, cutting my hair to a short pixie was the most liberating experience I've ever had [partially because it represented the end of countless hours of ballet that forced my hair into the confines of a bun, but also because it meant less time spent taking care of it]. I positively adore being able to get up and go, not having to brush my hair, and it only taking 3 minutes to blow dry completely. Unlike some of my female counterparts, I cut my hair short for style/aesthetic, rather than feminist-driven, reasons [I didn't cut my hair to make any kind of gender or political statement]. I personally find short hair to be extraordinarily chic and feminine on certain ladies [myself, in my opinion, included]. I simply LOVE my hair and do not plan on growing it out any time soon---it looks far too good with my long frame and wardrobe [especially my newest coat :-)].

It never once crossed my mind that some people wouldn't like it. I just assumed everyone would find my haristyle bold, yet classic and refined. It wasn't until I read Johanna Cox's "Get Shorty" that I began to think, "Maybe not everyone finds ladies with short hair to be chic, fashionable, or even attractive...Maybe this was a 'bad' decision."

In "Get Shorty," Johanna reveals her personal hair journey, which involves being inspired by a model's choppy pixie and then being ditched by her boyfriend of 2 years because he wasn't attracted to her new "short-haired" appearance and then winding up with a guy who likes her hair, but would prefer it be longer.

Johanna notes that she loves her short hair, that she, like me, finds it undyingly chic and flattering. But she also notes that men do not necessarily think this way. In fact, a recent psychological study, in which images of female faces were given differing lengths of hair and then evaluated for attractiveness by male participants, has revealed that "longer hair had a significantly positive effect on the ratings of a woman's attractiveness; shorter styles did not." At a more basic level, hair is viewed as an indicator of personal health---that is, long hair indicates good health since it visually demonstrates longevity. Basically, the majority of men have what I like to call the "Rapunzel-complex."

While reading the article, I just kept thinking to myself, "O my. I'm going to die alone. I'm already tall, ridiculously blunt, and easily annoyed...My short hair is just making me scream 'LEAVE ME ALONE' louder than ever before." Everything else I cannot help [it's just who I am], but the haircut I certainly can change, and who doesn't want to improve their odds of achieving "success"?

I'll admit it---Johanna's article made me consider growing my hair out

...

But only for a split second.

While I understand that longer hair is more of a traditional indication of femininity, I am still in love with my shorter hair...in fact, I'm kind of obsessed with it. Never before have I felt so confident. Never before have I felt so intrinsically feminine. I think short hair is a bold indication of self-confidence [especially when paired with classic attire] and extreme femininity when the cut is donned properly. You could never convince me that a short, stubby, 300+pound woman with long hair is more appealingly feminine than a 5'10", size 6, lady with short hair...no way. If it is worn appropriately, short hair can be perhaps more feminine than hair that reaches the floor. It all depends on the person who dons it and how they choose to wear it.

Yes, I recognize that some guys will never like girls with short hair, and I'm okay with that. I get it. Short hair is different, and a guy, due to social constructs regarding gender-apperance, would most likely have to be very comfortable with his own masculinity to show any kind of interest in a girl with short hair.

But, recognizing all this, will I always wonder whether I have "missed" my "Prince Charming" because he will never notice me due to my short hair? Of course not. My true "Prince Charming" would appreciate my cut and recognize its inherent chicness.

Perhaps my short hair is just a way of weeding out the fake-prince-charmings and saving me from wasting my time.

Some HOT Reflections

This summer, I decided to force myself to practice Bikram Yoga at least 3 times a week. Some call the practice masochistic; others call it absolutely insane; I simply like to call it wonderful. Anyways, sitting in a 105 degree room for 100 minutes at a time provides more than enough time for deep introspection and meditation. Often, I try to not think [it's very hard] and just recognize the harmony within my body [sometimes it's more just reminding myself to breathe and not pass out...kind of the same thing I suppose]. Other times, I don't consciously do anything and let thoughts arise whenever, but I usually wind up dismissing them because I'm too exhausted to pay them any attention. This past class, though, I could not stop thinking about the manly lady who was practicing yoga next to me.

She was older [like 40ish maybe] and was completely ripped. That is, she had a 6-pack similar to that of a GI-Joe figurine. And, boy, did she think she was hot stuff. I, on the other hand, thought she was absolutely disgusting looking...she reminded me of a scrawny, über-fit guy, with breast implants [based on the look on the guy behind me's face, he thought she was pretty bizarre looking, too].

Basically, she definitely distracted my yoga meditation time [not cool]. In fact, she even distracted me after the yoga class, because I couldn't stop thinking about how gross she looked. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that I've seen several women with that kind of more masculine-body builder physique at Bikram [thank God I've avoided having them practice anywhere near me]. So, what's up with this? Why on earth would these ladies want to look super-buff and manly? I don't even know many GUYS who want to look that fit.

There is definitely a line between acceptable and unacceptable fitness. I, for one, never think that a totally ripped figure is attractive OR, more importantly, NATURAL on a woman...EVER. It looks funny and clothes simply don't lay properly on such women [plus, such women have a tendency to think that they can wear super-tight clothing to show off their hideously muscle-ridden bodies---gross]. A nice, trim, figure is certainly preferable and more pleasing to the eye. One can be healthy without being overly-muscly.

After much thought, I have decided that physical fitness has become a way for women to demonstrate their capabilities. It is the most basic way for them to show their strength in an easy-to-understand fashion. I mean, who wouldn't be slightly intimidated by an individual with a woman's head and a body-builder man's body? [Such an appearance is at-least off-putting, if not absolutely terrifying.]

Ultimately, though, I feel like an intimidating exterior never really achieves what it intends, especially if these women are striving to create an impression of power. Confusing people by looking half-man, in my opinion, will never work. It just looks stupid. Developing extreme muscle-mass to establish power is parallel to women abandoning their intrinsic femininity in hopes of being more well-respected amidst a seemingly male-dominated environment. This is yet another simple example of how women are abandoning their femininity when they really need not do so. I imagine that it is easier to gain respect when you embrace yourself [that is, as a woman] and behave in a fashion that yields respect than when you try to be something you're not.


So, maybe next time I see a manly woman at Yoga, I'll kindly tell her that she must have a hard time finding pearls to fit around her bulging neck...and then run.

Bad Taste

So, I was waiting for a meeting to begin at work the other day, and I couldn't help but listen to the conversation two ladies were having behind me [to help you better visualize the situation: They both had teased hair, wore light blue sparkly eye shadow, donned gaudy costume-y jewelry, and had shoulder pads underneath their oversized skirt suits]. They were discussing how much they like the few-year-old policy that requires at least one woman to serve on all hiring boards. Each lady mentioned instances where she was selected to serve on such a board simply because of her gender; furthermore, both suggested that they had no problem with this appointment system.

Perhaps these women didn't think twice of their gender-based role on hiring committees, because they really feel that they actually deserved such positions based on workplace accomplishments; but their tones of voice suggested otherwise. In fact, their discussion implied that they had almost "beat the system" undeservingly because of their gender.

I have found that, in the work environment, some women feel that they are immediately deserving of certain positions and job perks [these ladies could very well be in the minority, but they have certainly stuck out to me]. It seems that their mindset is, "Hey! I'm a woman. We haven't always been equal to men, so now you have to make up for it and give me all this stuff, even if I really haven't earned it. And if you don't give me these perks, I'm just going to say you didn't give it to me because I'm a woman...so there."

I kind of...sort of...[but don't really] get this mindset. It may be true that women haven't always been allowed to hold high positions in business environments, but this modern actuality does not entitle them to certain perks without the necessary qualifications. I, for one, would much rather have a hiring board of qualified gentlemen than one that consists of unqualified women.

Of course, I do think that there are qualified ladies to participate on these hiring boards, and I do understand that at least one woman is required to partake to prevent bias from unknowingly influencing decisions. I just don't think that the people making these appointment decisions are working hard enough to seek out these deserving ladies, which is a problem in itself---it is as though these decision makers are assuming that all women are "equal" [that is, equally deserving and able...so dumb and not true] and that their inherent sexuality is of greater importance than their workplace accomplishments and intellectual abilities.

Basically, if these aforementioned women really want to achieve anything in the real world that will yield true respect, they need to stop using their historical disadvantages to gain unearned workplace rewards. Women need to step up and do a good job; they must stop resting on their gender. If women don't stop doing so, they will simply be perpetuating gender stereotypes.

I beg of ladies to step up, respect themselves, respect all womankind, and respect their coworkers by working hard [and not wearing shoulder pads or pastel eyeshadow].

How to have an awkward dinner conversation

The other day, my family and I were having dinner when, at one point, there was a lull in the conversation, which I [o so brilliantly] quickly came to fill with the statement, "You know, I was thinking about it the other day...I really don't remember too many happy things from when I was younger." [Yes, I really did say that.] Of course, my parents just stared at me, and my sisters squirmed, during the awkward silence. Soon, though, my mother filled the new [and more awkward] lull, saying, "Well, Kate, sometimes it's easier to remember the bad things." She then went on to prompt my memory of many fond memories [family trips, funny moments, friendships, enjoyable outings, etc.], and I realized that the happy memories were much more numerous than I had initially thought. In fact, they greatly outnumbered the less pleasant memories. I couldn't help but wonder why I could only immediately recall mostly "bad" memories [i.e. fights with siblings, getting in trouble, etc.].

I think I've always had a hard time with family stuff. I have always had an active life outside of home that has kept me away from my family for much of my youth [voice lessons, active community service, and dancing 30 hours a week from ages 10-18 does that]. So, when I would go home, I would only be able to compare it to, what I viewed was, my idyllic world of extracurricular activities; in my eyes, I was more of an "adjunct" child/sister. However ungrateful or selfish it might sound, part of me never wanted to return home...I just wanted to keep doing what I loved. My family put my active world of perfection to the side and replaced it with reality. Thus, I think that I have usually associated my family with "bad" things [i.e. things I cannot control], resulting in the seeming overabundance of negative memories.

Now, my family life was/is not bad at all. I have been very blessed with two loving parents, two very nice younger sisters, and a welcoming and caring home environment. Of course, my family has had its ups and downs, but certainly nothing extreme has ever happened. My issues with my home life revolved around my inability to accept that things were never "perfect" at home; that is, things were out of my control. In fact, I have had an outstandingly happy youth.

In the past few years, I have come to recognize my deep control issues, but my recent outburst has helped me reflect on this revelation even more. How can I want to be a good mother if I cannot even fully embrace the family in which I am only a child? How can I function in any kind of family if I cannot deal with anything that I view as imperfect or undesirable?

My initial explanation for my negative association with family was that I am simply a terrible, selfish individual. But after much reflection, I have decided that that is not the case at all. I am not at all ungrateful. I am not extremely selfish. I never have been. I simply like things to be perfect, to be the best not only for myself but also for my family. I want everyone to be as happy as possible, and when that doesn't happen, I simply get frustrated and upset. No matter how badly I want everything to go exceedingly well, things rarely go according to my chimeric plans.

Hopefully, I will eventually be able to channel my intense desire for everyone to be happy in a way that will allow me to embrace my family life to its fullest. I think that a lot of people, especially mothers, struggle with this same dilemma. It is hard to let go and let reality take place. It is hard to face the fact that not everything can go according to plan. I imagine that this is something with which I will continue to struggle, especially if I ever have children. As my parents have shown me, sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is let go of any dreams of their children's utter, picturesque perfection in order to deal with the presented reality so that a different kind of perfection can be attained. One day, I hope that I will be instilled with such outstanding parental capabilities.

I guess it's been a good reminder that I still have some growing up to do.

Nip:Zip::Tuck:Zap

The other day, my mom and I were driving somewhere when an interesting story came on the radio [FYI: my mom only plays NPR and Christian music when she's driving us kids somewhere, because she wants to balance out all that "stuff" me and my sister's listen to---funny, right?]. The creator of Nip/Tuck, Ryan Murphy, was talking about his newest show, Glee, and even though I ardently admire all things show choir related [I kind of wish Georgetown had a show choir...that would be awesome], his aside on Nip/Tuck and plastic surgery's decreased popularity caught my attention.

Murphy claimed that he created Nip/Tuck to present the ugly reality of plastic surgery through brutally realistic recreations of surgeries; he wanted to demonstrate that artificial physical alterations only speak to deeper psychological problems that only proper counseling can fix. The show first aired at the boom of plastic surgery in 2003 and is closing at what Murphy argues is a time when plastic surgery is not nearly as popular. He contributes this demise of sorts to the rise of less invasive procedures [botox, lipodissolve, and other nonsurgical alternatives]. While Murphy applauds this shift [after all, it's just stupidSTUPIDstupid to go under the knife for an unnecessary surgery], I don't know if I am quite as thrilled.

While plastic surgery is admittedly stupid, it at least requires people to think about their physical alterations significantly more than a botox injection or lipodissolve requires. I mean, getting any kind of invasive surgery like liposuction or a face lift requires multiple doctors' appointments, consultations, and overall health evaluations; any kind of non-invasive procedure doesn't require this. Rather, such procedures simply allow people to immediately satiate frivolous desires, thus exemplifying society's general problem of focusing too much on temporal pleasures that never lead to true happiness--it's just an easier way of doing something relatively bad.

Of course, women are the most frequent culprits of using medical procedures to alter their physical appearance. Most women want to present themselves as the best people they can be [I, of course, have no problem with this desire; women should want to be proud], whether it be in clothing, makeup, physical fitness, etc. However, plastic surgery, or any kind of surgical physical alteration, in my opinion, is a show of weakness. It's just a way of avoiding dealing with your truest person and openly admits that you are not happy with who you are; rather than demonstrating a lady's pride in herself, it discloses disappointment.

These procedures serve as ways of avoiding dealing with the deepest sense of self by becoming, physically, something you truly aren't. It is admittedly easier to go into a doctor's office for a 10 minute botox appointment or a one hour lipo-dissolve session than it is to face your innermost concerns. So, these noninvasive procedures simply encourage continued ignorance of the real problems at hand; they make it easier to be something you're not. And for this, I almost hate botox more than breast augmentations.

Women are better than these procedures. Women have the self-control and ability to improve themselves without any kind of medical method. Supermodels and movie stars should no longer serve as standards of beauty [Come on, we all know about how stupid those people are thanks to the tabloids]. By turning to medical physical alterations, ladies are just selling themselves short and admitting to stereotyped weakness; it shows an inability to fully embrace and love being the woman you are lucky to be.

Now I'm not saying women should lay around and not do anything to deal with any perceived physical shortcoming. I just think individual women should utilize their personal strengths to improve themselves, whether it be through going to counseling, surrounding themselves with people who help them feel as beautiful as they truly are, or even new workout regimens. Injections and surgeries will never make you feel truly beautiful, only life filled with appreciation and gratefulness can do so.

Yes, it is understandable for every person to express some kind of unhappiness with regards to physical appearance. Yes, it is understandable to want to "fix" whatever you deem wrong. This being said, it is not understandable to put yourself at risk for "fixing" things that need not be fixed [under normal circumstances, no one needs a butt implant, no one needs a breast augmentation, no one needs rhinoplasty]. Doctored physical alterations, whether invasive or not, simply fail at trying to resolve deeper unhappiness. After all, I personally think that women should be proud that they are aging, women should be proud to physically show all that they have overcome whether young or old. Why on earth would you want to pretend that your life has been less than it is? Why would you want to ignore symbols of hardships you've overcome? Why would you want to eliminate physical manifestations of memories? Why would you want to hide wrinkles that represent a lifetime leading to greater wisdom? In my opinion, it is these physical markings that make a woman most beautifully feminine [plus, you just look silly (and somewhat unattractive) when you try to be something you're not].

Women are not barbie dolls--we are human. We get scars, we get wrinkles, things sag...we get old. That's life. Ladies just need to accept the reality of things and stop trying to turn themselves into seemingly everlasting beings.

Man Skirts: Femininity gone terribly awry

Upon arriving in Saint Louis, I saw a man wearing combat boots paired with a pleated, knee-length, khaki skirt. At first glance, I thought I must have been seeing things. At second glance, I thought he must have been a cross dresser. At third glance, I decided he must have just been a guy wearing a woman's skirt. At fourth glance, I realized, "O boy. This is a legit guy wearing a legit man skirt...whatever that may be." [I would have looked a fifth time, but I was toting too large a bag to do so]

I heard of the "man skirt" phenomena. But I thought it had only touched the upper-echelon of fashion; that is, I thought it had never made it past the runways since Marc Jacob's obsession with them became made obvious in his collection. Apparently, this is not the case. The man skirt trend has even reached Lambert Airport [scary, right?]. While part of me wants to say, "Skirts are comfortable, and, hey, if girls can wear trousers, guys should be able to wear skirts," the larger part of me SCREAMS, "Men in skirts just look stupid and like they're trying to be something they're not." [This being said, I find traditional kilts acceptable in the proper setting.]

For me, this man skirt phenomena puts the issue of total gender equality in a new light. It's one thing for women to take on more masculine fashions, but it is a completely different thing for men to take on female fashions. Is trying [I say trying, because I think it will fail...miserably] to make skirts an acceptable and normal part of guys' wardrobes a way of respecting femininity or actually taking away from femininity? I'm sure that designers would all say that it's about the clothing, the movement, the fabric, and that there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to fabulous clothes. I, however, feel that men stealing away skirts [however ridiculous they look] from being solely feminine is just a way of further asserting male dominance rather than a way of respecting femininity. When a woman wears a properly fitted pant suit and blouse, she looks undeniably feminine because it can be cut and shaped in such a way to accent her feminine figure. When a man wears a skirt, he looks like he went into his overweight grandmother's closet and pulled out something that he thought would provide a nice breeze of sorts.

Man skirts, therefore, do not demonstrate any kind of respect for femininity. It simply mocks it. I'm sorry---you can't make a skirt look masculine. Society is ingrained with the idea that skirts are feminine, and trying to make skirts a male fashion trend just emphasizes recent notions of eliminating the idea of true femininity. You cannot create equality by having all feminine characteristics sucked into male trends to make them acceptable. Not at all. Likewise, you cannot create equality by having all male trends sucked into the world of women. We must learn to embrace differences, embrace men and women as separate, and respect each other. We must accept the skirt as feminine and find it beautiful as such, not needing to be embraced by men to be completely acceptable.

Forcing the breakdown of visible gender differences, like by having men wear skirts, will only create a facade of solution. Truly, we must learn to embrace femininity and masculinity as separate, but equal, entities. We can't create true gender equality by lumping the two genders together----that just yields one visible gender, not equality.

Thus, women need to embrace being women, and men need to embrace being men. That's why I think it is extremely important for ladies to look back to times when femininity was at its prime for inspiration; they shouldn't look to today when femininity is twisted and rejected by many for the purpose of allowing feminism to endure. True feminism can't exist if we take a centrally humanistic perspective; we must take a uniquely feminine perspective.
Hence, I blame Marc Jacobs for contributing to society's brutal attempts at eliminating femininity's existence [I also blame him for making attractive male models look like idiots on the runway].

Let us keep skirts to ourselves, Marc!

The newest bane of my existence...

GLADIATOR SANDALS

They are ugly ugly UGLY. The ones that go up your leg look like trellises [ladies, trellises are for gardens, not your feet]. Even the tamer gladiator sandals that are only bondage up to your ankle are ugly. Beyond being hideous, gladiator sandals prove extremely impractical if you buy the genuine ones with all of the laces and buckles...and if you buy the FAKE gladiators with eazy-zipper backs, you just look silly and lazy [if you're going to give into an ugly trend, give in completely].

They are such atrociously masculine shoes. They are unattractive with all clothing items and make ladies' legs look like tree stumps with distorted vines growing up them. O, and the stiletto gladiators are the worst [they are completely stupid].

Why on earth would ladies want to wear shoes traditionally worn by men who slayed lions? I understand that women want to assert their feminine power in their wardrobes, but I really don't think wearing gladiator sandals is the way to do it. It just makes girls look silly and like male gladiator-wannabes, which undermines the goal of asserting any sort of feminine power. Ladies should wear nice, simple sandals and pick out smart clothing pieces instead.

Unless you're on your way to slay a lion, gladiator sandals are unacceptable. Period.

Feminine? I think not.
Chic? Heck no.

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

I remember my mom once explaining to me that she had hoped she'd have all boys: 1) because she only had brothers and, therefore, had a better idea of how to raise boys and 2) because she thought girls whined too much [as fate would have it, my mother was blessed with 3 somewhat challenging daughters]. At first, I was slightly offended and said, "O, come on, Mom, I don't whine." My mom just gave me a look, and I soon retracted my claim: "Okay, maybe I do whine sometimes."

It is simply a fact that girls whine and complain [at least I do]. Now, I'm not saying that this is a trait only found among females...guys do their fair share of whining as well. The fact of the matter is, though, complaining is a trait much more associated with girls than guys. Why is this? Well, one argument is that it brings attention, and most girls very much enjoy attention [very true]. Another argument is that girls really are just cranky and unhappy [not so true in my opinion]. And yet another argument is that girls don't understand really how else to get their opinions across in a world that has historically denied women any strong voice with which to take a stance.

I tend to think that the reason is a combination of the first and last ones I mentioned. Undeniably, complaining does bring about attention, but I think that complaining for attention should be characteristically associated with girls in their younger years. Growing up with two sisters, complaining about things was an easy way to get my parents to listen to me amongst the never-ending competition to see who could get the most attention [that is, until my parents caught on to my game]. As girls grow into young ladies, I think this childhood cry for attention at a baser level evolves into a more mature cry for a voice in a society that, to many, may seem very misogynistic. Whining and complaining seemingly becomes the "only" way for women to have their voices heard. And I, personally, feel that this expression of complaining/whining as the only mode for change is actually embraced by some extreme feminists who choose to make claims like, "If you're not angry, you're not paying attention." The reality is, though, that such feminist behavioral beliefs undermine genuine concerns and only help support the stereotype of girls being annoyingly whiny.

If women really want to be heard, they will speak rationally and not uphold stereotypes [such as, "women are whiny bitches"]. Ladies need to take a lesson from our male counterparts and stop complaining about things all the time. If you complain all the time, the world soon becomes a terrible place to be because you only see what's wrong with it. Rather than whine, ladies should take it upon themselves to put all of their whining energy into positive actions to put an end to whatever they're complaining about [this, after all, is far more productive and also helps build character and respect among mankind]. My female companions should also work to find the good in this world.

I admit that I whine...I complain. But I don't think I complain out of disdain for the world around me; I'm more of a 3 year old girl when I complain. I do think, however, that society kind of fosters this general attitude of whining as the only method for women's voices to be heard. That is, I feel like all whining is a result of something bigger than women themselves--it's almost like whining is expected [case in point, what my mother expected of daughters]. So, it's a perpetual cycle of whining...it's "just what girls do." But I argue that it's NOT what girls should do.

Whining is relatively unproductive in addition to being generally unbecoming and unattractive in almost all serious circumstances [minor whining about things like bothersome boys and annoying habits, in my opinion, is okay and part of what makes a girl a girl]. Perhaps expectations need to change so that whining about important issues is unacceptable at all ages of a girl's life, so that she'll be more productive with her quams with the world and actually do stuff about her complaints. One way of doing so would be to create a supportive environment in which girls are empowered from a young age to embrace their femininity completely, to embrace the beauty of the world completely, and to embrace life itself. This way, girls will have a more positive attitude towards life and, at the same time, come to love being a woman at a much younger age. I imagine that a world full of proudly feminine ladies would have much less whining, because if women truly embraced being women they would express opinions in a more honorable way than whining...they would consciously know that they are better than that. Thus, society needs to change perceptions so that whining is no longer an intrinsically feminine characteristic.

In conclusion, whining is unproductive, unbecoming, unattractive, and basically unladylike---so women should avoid whining [I need to start taking my own advice it seems...this'll be a process]. Essentially, ladies need to stop bitching and start doing something more productive.


[But since whining is so deeply ingrained in our interactions, it'll probably take a while for girls to stop being unduly whiny...bummer]

Why I hate Spring

I love the colder months. Wearing coats, scarves, gloves, and hats brings me joy every day. Beyond my personal fashion preferences, though, winter also forces people to sufficiently cover themselves. Even if people are wearing ill-fitting clothes in the colder months, it is at least masked under darker colors and hideously puffy down jackets. Thus, winter saves my eyes from any unbecoming images.

Spring brings the donning of obnoxious colors and unspoken competition for who can expose the most epidermis. Women are especially guilty of engaging in these ugly fashions. It seems that as soon as the thermometer rises to a temperature over 55 degrees, ladies are determined to show off their bodies. It's as if they say to themselves, "Yes! Now I can wear that super-short, muffin-top creating, cellulite-showing skirt that is about three sizes too small!" I just want to hit them all on the head to make them realize how stupid they look.

Just because Agyness Deyn can wear mini-skirts doesn't mean that everyone else can. Just because it's spring doesn't mean you have to wear all white or only neon colors. Girls need to realize what looks good on them. If they cannot realize it themselves, they need to find someone who can decide for them [that is, they need to find a bluntly honest friend...or just a bluntly honest person for that matter]. It is NOT OKAY to walk around wearing clothes that do not fit your body and, therefore, do not do you any justice. Mini skirts belong to pre-teens, and obnoxiously bright colors belong in the eighties. Bra-exposure is always unacceptable. And if you have to constantly pull something around to make it lay properly, it doesn't fit you. Most importantly, if you can see your panty-line, it definitely doesn't fit.

Girls need to remember that size is just a number. I can walk in one store and wear a size 4 and then the next store and wear a size 8 [ladies' clothing sizes in the U.S. are not standardized...very frustrating]. Wearing a smaller size or clothing from the teen section does not suddenly make you look younger [it actually ages you]; rather, wearing more simplistic clothes that fit make you look younger and just generally more feminine [mini skirts and belly tops=whorish, not feminine]. Wearing clothes that FIT is the best way to look and feel good; it also saves the rest of us from having to look at unsightly appearances.

On a similar note, panty hose with shorts or open toed shoes is stupid. Don't do it. It makes you look like you should be on Golden Girls.

Who wants to look like a Golden Girl? Not I.

So, ladies need to learn to buy clothes that fit and come in colors that complement their skin tones. Don't worry about the latest trends, don't worry about sizes, don't worry about whatever the celebrities are wearing. Just buy what fits and looks good. Here are some of my personal suggestions for appropriate spring attire that can [and should] be worn by all young ladies:

-Walking shorts
-Sundress [preferably A-line cut that ends just above the knee]
-A nice pair of sandals
-Brightly colored cardigans
-Cotton blouses
-Collection of basic t-shirts [important to have multiple white t-shirts]
-Good pair of jeans [no rips, no frays, no acid wash]

Example of Proper Attire: Audrey Hepburn

Just because it's spring doesn't mean we can throw decency and classiness to the wayside. The best way to embody your femininity is to wear your clothes properly and not let your clothes wear you. Simplicity is beautiful. Piecing together a classic crew-neck tee with a pair of khaki walking shorts and some smart sandals looks classy, smart, and beautifully feminine. There is a reason that certain items are labeled "classic"---because they're good, tasteful clothing items that all should don. The best way to express femininity is through understated clothing pieces...not distastefully offensive skin-bearing clothes. If you want to spice up your wardrobe, do it with bright cardigans and sparkly accessories [like brooches], not hideous clothes.

Just keep it classy, ladies.

Rant #2

I will never forget watching one of the more recent episodes of The Office when a situation that I had recently experienced actually came up. See, Kevin meets this girl he likes, but instead of just asking her out, he decides to inquire, "Do you have an email address?" I almost died of laughter...I thought I was alone in my encounter with someone trying to build some sort of relationship upon the foundations of indirect, technologically-mediated, human contact. My story is as follows:

One day, "Bob" approaches me while at work, which he never does

Bob: Katelyn, you left this.
Me: O, thanks. (Bob keeps standing awkwardly, and I start looking around for potential conversation-exits)...Is something wrong?
bob: I was just wondering if you have an email address.
Me: (giving Bob my "o my gosh you are insane" look) As a matter of fact, I do. Why do you ask?
Bob: I thought we could start an online conversation.
Me: (At this point, I know what's coming, and I just keep thinking, "This guy needs to grow a pair") About what?
Bob: School and stuff.
Me: Ah. Well, I really don't have time for that.
Bob: You mean you don't have time to email?
Me: No...I just don't have time for that kind of conversation...But I'll let you know if that changes. I'll see you later (I turn around and thank God for that conversation's end)

Apparently, the writers of The Office have picked up on this kind of interaction as well [at least I'm not alone...and, as my friend Amanda assured me, at least Bob didn't try to sell me paper].


We live in a world where people find technological means of communication to be completely acceptable for almost anything. The fact of the matter is, this simply isn't the case. If a guy wants to ask a girl out, he should ask her out and not ask for her email address...that's just creepy and awkward and lame. Beyond my personal anecdote, though, modern society has found an over-confidence of sorts when using technology to communicate.

I find that people tend to be too bold when they communicate by non-verbal technological means. People simply don't think through their thoughts completely when they are using their thumbs to relay information. This leads to messages that can either be horribly misinterpreted or that can really be insensitive. After all, it's a lot less threatening to send a text message [a text message holds no immediate consequences, unlike an actual conversation which yields an immediate response] than it is to actually talk to someone.

People need to grow up. Life isn't a series of electronic messages...life is real. Thus, when communicating about any topic that is or could potentially be sensitive, I think people should make every effort to communicate face-to-face or at least through telephone conversations. This is 1) much more efficient and 2) much more considerate and thoughtful.

I almost feel like getting an actual phone call, actually hearing one of my friend's voices is a special treat. Yes, I understand that text messaging has its conveniences like when you want to make last-minute dinner plans with a bunch of friends, but is it too much to ask that you call me with a question instead of making me endure a 10-message long texting conversation that proves cumbersome, distracting, and very inefficient? I mean, I shouldn't call a friend with a simple question to hear them say, "That's all you called for?" I also shouldn't call a friend and leave a voicemail to receive a text message response---that's just RUDE. Finally, if a friend tells you that they don't like text messaging [ahem], be considerate [after all, it's a good way to show that you genuinely care] and try to get in touch with them through other modes and use texting as a last resort.

With these rather inconsiderate possible responses to phone calls, I can't help but think: I'm sorry, should I not call a friend about whom I care very much with a question? Should I send an impersonal, annoying text message instead? If this is so, then I suppose I should apologize for being a considerate, kind, caring person who enjoys talking to my friends no matter how mundane the topic may be.

I'm not going to lie and say that I've never sent a text message [because I certainly have and will continue to do so as I deem necessary], but every time I send one, I do NOT like it [I hate it hate it hate it HATE IT]. I am also not going to be unrealistic and call for people to abandon their text-messaging ways completely. I just want people to think before the next time they choose how to contact someone. In all honesty, a phone call [or even a kindly worded email] means a lot more and comes across more sincerely than a text-message.

[NOTE: This being said, I find "inside-joke" related text messages to be acceptable...simply because it would be genuinely awkward to call someone to relay a one-liner. I also find bulk, last-minute plan, text-messages to be acceptable simply for efficiency and inclusion reasons. (see, I'm not completely anti-technology)]

It's all about staying classy [come on, what epitomized lady would communicate via text messaging instead of a classy invitation or memorably witty phone call?] and keeping this hierarchy in mind:
Real, in person conversation > video chatting > phone call > email > text message.

So, next time you are about to get in touch with someone, I beg of you to consider your relationship and the intended nature of the conversation you need to have....Just think about it...Pretty please.

The Art of Being Politely Disdainful

Pretending to like everyone is extremely stressful. Constantly putting on a facade of "like" can quickly start to tear a person apart. I know it all too well. Freshman year, I had a really terrible roommate situation, and instead of just making it work as a mutually respectful roommate environment, I made a conscious decision to force a friendship. But the thing is, it wasn't a friendship---it was a fake friendship. Perhaps I should clarify [girls are rather confusing creatures].

See, girls have a tendency to think that they have to be "friends" with everyone, and what this really means is they think they have to act as if they like everyone in order to be proper girls. So, girls build up pretend relationships with people. The relationships established are kind of, sort of, sick utilitarian friendships, where instead of extracting something from the other poor girl wrapped up in the fakeness, the girls extract something from the presentation of being totally amiable in society's eyes. For example, with my freshman year roommate situation, it meant that I got to maintain the image of an idyllic roommate relationship [even though we really didn't have a relationship that was beneficial in any way; in fact, it was quite dreadful]. I got to live in a fantasy world of perfection that was really a world of emotional turmoil.

Creating such fake worlds becomes dangerous for all parties involved, because everyone wrapped up in it runs the risk of getting seriously hurt AND because it's simply unhealthy to ignore one's actual feelings. I have come to the conclusion that it's really not worth anyone's time to pretend like they like someone when they really don't. It just becomes something else about which to worry and calculate. Every time you run into someone with whom you have established a pretend friendship, you have to think carefully about everything you say so as to not give way to your real feelings.

The thing is, though...people aren't stupid. They can tell when you don't like them. That's why I have come to embrace the Emily Gilmore lifestyle of polite disdain. When you don't like someone, simply be polite and not friendly. For example, if I were to encounter Betsy, a purely hypothetical girl who I really just don't like [because she is rude, obnoxious, outspoken, and a generally ugly person who is like a porcupine to my skin], our conversation may go like this:

[Walking across Healy Lawn]
Betsy: Hi, Katelyn! How are you doing?
Katelyn: I am doing very well. Thank you.

Yup. That's it. Nothing impolite happening there--completely acceptable. I avoid any potential effort on her part to create a friendship[or fake friendship, or frenemy relationship, or...you get the idea] by not asking her a question in turn. Both parties are protected from any potentially harmful relationship efforts, and we can carry on our days without feeling badly about being rude.

Creating clear boundaries yields happiness, because your expectations are determined and accepted. There is no fakeness, and this means that you are living and behaving truly with regards to your feelings and your deepest sense of self; and when you are true to yourself, you are happiest. When you waste your time on fake relationships, you lose opportunities to focus your energies on building genuinely good friendships that help you better define yourself and make you a better person, the kind of person you want to be. No one wants to be someone who constantly lies to both themselves and those around them for the sake of putting on a masquerade.

I think that the reason girls have a reputation for generally catty relationships is because they refuse to abandon the societal ideal that all girls should be BFFs. O, please. Everyone knows that we all can't be friends [especially girls, sometimes we are so super-duper emotional...that estrogen can easily become too much], but we can generally respect each other. In my opinion, the best way to respect those around you is to be honest with them, and it is simply easiest to be honest with others when you are honest with yourself. Relationships degenerate into "frenemy relations" when involved parties feel the need to maintain a facade of friendliness that covers up truly hateful and hurtful behaviors.

If girls didn't feel this intense desire to be friends with everyone, we would avoid the general bitchiness and cattiness that are stereotypical of their relationships. Girls just need to realize that their fake friendships are exactly that--FAKE. They must acknowledge that they don't come across as friendly--they just come across as sick and twisted. If girls ever want to be viewed as anything other than completely crazy by our male counterparts, I suggest we start by putting an end to our bizarrely torturous relationship mechanisms.

So, ladies, next time you encounter a person you really don't like, I beg of you to behave honestly [note: not rudely]. This way, there will be no hard feelings on either side and you won't build up any unhealthy, pent-up aggression that leads to frenemy relationships. Let's practice with another hypothetical example right now:

You run into Beatrice, your long-time frenemy who is constantly rude and ill-behaved:

Beatrice: Hi [insert your name here]! How are you doing?
You: Very well, Beatrice. Thank you.

And all the while, you can be emotionally honest and think to yourself, "Bitch, leave me alone." And you will express this somewhat rude sentiment in a polite manner that is both socially acceptable and honest. Beatrice will get the idea and know the boundaries of your relationship, and you will be able to avoid any long drawn-out conversation in which you would have several more [if you're like me, probably several hundred more] rude thoughts that make you feel like and become an ugly person.

See, polite disdain is just better for everyone. Remember, you just have to respectfully love everyone---not like them.

Becoming Katelyn

The other day I was looking through old photos trying to see if I could find a picture to use as my new Facebook profile pic [Come on, we all do it. And on a similar note, anyone who has a camera built in their laptop takes pictures of themselves. Pure facts.] Anyways, I was surprised to realize that I didn't find my appearance in more recently taken pictures to be completely appalling and hideous.

I actually got up to double check that the person in the pictures was actually me, looked in the mirror, and said to myself, "By golly, Katelyn Christine, I say... you are not a hideous-looking person." Never before had I looked at myself that way [that is, as relatively pretty]. I will admit, it caught me off guard, especially since I consider myself to be very pragmatic [perhaps so pragmatic that it sometimes approaches pessimistic]. Normally, I avoid looking at myself in the mirror, and when I do decide to glance at my reflection, I constantly shoot myself down with extreme criticisms of my physical being. But, like I said, this time it was different.

I have mulled over why I could have possibly experienced this sudden change in perception...I haven't started presenting myself any differently; I haven't started a new grooming routine; I haven't taken any "the world is beautiful and wonderful pills" [at least that I know of]; I haven't stopped being pragmatic. So, basically, I've experienced some sort of deep change within myself.

Over the past few years, I really think that I have grown very much as a person. I am now at a point where I am content with who I am. While I had previously thought that this contented state was only with regards to my personality and whatnot, I think this contentedness has extended to my appreciation for myself as a whole. That is to say, my general happiness with who I am personality-wise has expanded to make me generally happy with who I am physically.

I once read something along the lines of, "It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself." Prior to now, I think I had always done just this...I wasn't complete, because I chose to focus on the beauty of the world without and never worried about finding the beauty within myself.

I feel like my personal sentiments are not isolated. I am sure that other young ladies experience similar feelings toward themselves. In fact, guys and gals alike deal with the issue of not necessarily being content with how they look. I mean, who hasn't looked in the mirror and pointed out everything wrong? [Love handles, blotchy complexion, arm fat, ugly hair, oily skin, fat calves...Just watch Mean Girls] It's weird, because we seem to say these things to ourselves without any prompting from another person; we just constantly compare ourselves to those around us and those special, famous people who live in their "bubble of beauty." We focus so much on others in making such comparisons that we essentially avoid completely becoming ourselves [life turns into a 24/7 silently vicious beauty pageant]. And completely becoming yourself inevitably entails completely accepting yourself at all levels.

It's interesting, to me at least, that I became comfortable with my invisible person before my physical appearance. I guess this speaks to human nature [or maybe it's just my nature] in that people tend to judge themselves more frequently/easily with regards to the tangible "wrongs;" it then follows that it is harder to embrace and love one's appearance than it is to love one's innate person.

Most people get so wrapped up in how they compare to others that they don't necessarily find the beauty within themselves. Coming to completely embrace yourself is certainly a long process, but I think it can be helped along by surrounding yourself with positive influences. While I may have made it seem like my recent revelation of sorts has purely stemmed from what I've done, the reality is that I could never have come to such a realization had I not surrounded myself with truly wonderful people who help me grow and show me the beauty in myself that I have a hard time seeing. It's always nice to hear that other people care about and love you, but if you're anything like me, you rarely take it seriously. In all honesty, until recently, whenever people complimented me, I always assumed either that they were being polite or had some sort of ulterior motive. My closest friendships have helped me come to the realization that I am not an all-around terrible person and, in turn, have helped me to come to embrace myself.

Now, I'm not saying that I think I'm perfect [gosh...I'm far from it] or that I am utterly obsessed with my appearance and how wonderful how I am. Rather, I have have come to embrace myself, good and bad alike, and I accept who I am. I truly love the gift of life I have been given and plan to take full advantage of it. It's nice to finally not feel the need to excuse any compliments or constantly bash myself down at all levels. After all, I am only human...perfection is virtually unattainable, no matter how much I control things. I'm sure I'll still have days of intensely criticizing myself--I mean, that's just part of who I am--but at least it won't be all the time. Basically, some of the pressure is off...I have finally become myself.

I expect that this recent revelation will help me to be prouder than ever of my femininity [that's right---more brooches and pearls coming :-)]. Perhaps all women need a similar realization to help them see their wonderfully feminine beauty; for beauty does come from within and takes time to foster [maybe that's why Jane Austen says that a woman can be more beautiful at 29 than at 20].

I hope that everyone, men and women alike, has the chance to experience the joy that stems from embracing all that they are. It is, after all, quite a nice feeling.

"Just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world."-Oprah

RANT #1 [note: very girly discussion to follow]

We all ignore the problem, we all try to look the other way but can't help but look back at the issue, we all never say or do anything to actually solve the problem...No, I'm not talking about anything political. The problem at hand is that of the all-too-liberating "bra-less" revolution. Just last week, I went to 7AM Saturday Mass only to be faced with a woman in her mid-50s sporting a [too small] tennis outfit and...NO BRA. I couldn't stand it. A big part of me wanted to walk over to her and ask her to zip up her [again, too small] jacket to at least cover up the thin, shiny material that revealed everything.

And this isn't an isolated instance. I see women "liberating" themselves by refusing to wear the proper undergarments on an almost daily basis. Upon googling "why women shouldn't wear bras," you will quickly find a website which claims that bras cause breast cancer [insane]. Even if I did encounter a woman not wearing a bra who told me she did it so that she wouldn't get cancer, I wouldn't believe her; I mean, if you're going to refuse to properly dress yourself to oppose social norms, at least be proud of your stance.

So, I guess the train of thought behind NOT wearing a bra may be along the lines of that of Cameron Diaz': "I'm a tomboy at heart!" or something like: "We're all human! Women should embrace their breasts---they are nothing to 'confine.' Bras are just modern-day gurdles that suppress a woman's femininity" While I can kind of, sort of, maybe see where these women are coming from, the facts [well, according to me] are as follows:

• Women simply look nicer when they wear the proper undergarments. Wearing a bra accentuates a lady's nice features, thus accentuating her femininity, and it demonstrates more of an "embracing" of a woman's physical being than not wearing one. There's no point in going bra-less if it just makes people shutter at the sight; if anything, it makes others think less of you because of this terrifying first impression. I mean, if a man decided to never shave to embrace his "masculinity," it would be generally unacceptable.
  
• Not wearing a bra, for most, would most likely prove painful. This is especially true for athletic activities, such as running or tennis [ahem].
• Clothes look better with the proper undergarments. Don't tell me otherwise. I'm right on this one. If you're going to invest in nice clothes, you should don them properly.
• THE ONLY TIME IT'S OKAY to go bra-less is within the comfort of your home, when you have no guests and aren't expecting guests any time soon.
  

Women should be proud to embrace their femininity in every way possible, and wearing the proper support is one such way of embracing our womanly nature. In doing so, a woman clearly, visually separates herself from her male counterparts [especially those potbelly fellows who have large protrusions on their chests...maybe they should wear bras as well to prevent themselves from hurting their backs, but that's another issue completely]. By not wearing a bra, I feel like women are not doing themselves any justice, and it's just not a pretty sight. No one wants to see that much of any woman.

This being said, as my friend Lauren once proposed, I am totally in favor of mandatory bra fittings for all women. Unless a bra fits properly, it won't do what it's supposed to. Come on, haven't you seen those women who have a second muffin top around their ribcage? Or what about those women who choose to have overly-extreme cleavage? Gross, right? Well, if these women were properly fitted for their bras, we wouldn't have a problem. While I'd rather have women wear ill-fitting bras than no bras at all, the reality is that wearing a poorly fitting bra is nearly as bad. A bad bra purchase can yield unnecessary pain for a woman and also sore eyes for all that have to see her.

On a similar note, it is not CUTE to have your bra show through your white t-shirt. I don't care if your bra has Swarovski crystals all over it---it's not meant to be seen. Wear a nude bra...it's better for everyone. In fact, it's not cute to have your bra show EVER; so, like I said, having properly fitting bras is essential to maintaining a stylish and classy appearance.

My message to all ladies:
Go to a department store. Get properly fitted for a bra. Buy bras that look nice under your clothes. You, the people around you, and your clothes [yes, clothes have feelings, too] will all be better off.

Encounter with a Mommy-hater

So, for my last flight home from school I decided to splurge and purchase fashion magazines for my reading pleasure. After staring at the magazine rack before me for about 7 minutes [I am quite indecisive], trying to select magazines to buy, I eventually picked up copies of ELLE and Vogue. Amidst these 500 pages of some crazy-weird fashion advertisements, I picked up on the spring trends [bondage dresses and gladiator sandals FYI...don't buy them--they're hideous and ugly and horrible in every way possible] and read some rather interesting articles. While I found the exposé on Bill Gate's wife to be charming, interesting, and hope-inspiring, I found "Die, Mommy, Die!" to be depressing, upsetting, and all-around terrifying.

That's right, the article is entitled "Die, Mommy, Die!" Of course I had to read it. You see, I have only recently [as in within the past month] come to the conclusion that I can see myself as a mother, and I thought that ELLE magazine would provide some kind of hip interpretation of modern moms in the workplace...at least that's what the blurb before the article led me to believe:

"Why do so many successful women feel the need to blather on about their children in the workplace? Nancy Haas argues that the personal is still political--and it's also a big bore."

So, I thought to myself, I like this Nancy chick. Women, stay-at-home and career mothers alike, should have more to themselves than their children, and they should be able to hold a normal conversation. Right on, Nancy! Yea, I can ignore that extremely concerning, insensitive title--I get it, you need people to read your writing, and that title is certainly an attention grabber. Then, while reading the article, my initial like for Nancy quickly dissolved into hate and then, finally, pity. [Check out the entire article at: http://www.elle.com/Living/Career/Die-Mommy-Die!]

I quickly realized that Nancy's article was more than just a way of encouraging women to take some interest in themselves in addition to their interest in their children...it was a kind of Mommy-bashing arena, calling for moms to kill the mothers within themselves. I thought to myself, "Man, Nancy, I was really rooting for you. I even crossed my fingers after you brutally mocked that mother for being so obsessed with her kids that you would somehow make your article something I could relate to." Then, I lost all hope for Nancy when she said,

It’s not as though I don’t love my daughter. Or that I take her for granted. Infertility made her birth a novel-length saga, and I marvel daily that she’s a healthy, fearless, slaphappy toddler. I am mesmerized by the sound of her Betty Boop voice serenading stuffed animals and moved by the sight of her flapping pigtails as she tears through the playground. Each night before we turn off the lights, my husband and I recap, often in numbing detail, her triumphs and setbacks of the day.

But I have never once thought of her as the best thing I’ve ever done. Perhaps that’s a function of having had a better-than average work life, but it’s also because I’m loath to take credit for my daughter as an accomplishment. Reproducing, even for me, who had to go to such lengths to become a mother, doesn’t feel like a personal achievement; it’s just a natural part of the human cycle. That’s one of the reasons I love being a parent; it’s comfortingly prosaic, delightfully unremarkable. Can you imagine women in small Indian villages standing around the local well asking for reassurance from the others that having their brood of kids is “the best thing they’ve ever done”? It’s a ready-made caption for a New Yorker cartoon.

Pardon?!?!?!?!?! At this point, I was yelling at Nancy in my head [I would have been talking out loud, but I figured that wouldn't be a wise move on my flight]: "Your child is not the best thing you've ever done? You aren't most proud of the beautiful life you brought in this world? It's 'just natural part of the human cycle'? JUST?" I was fuming. I would go on with Nancy's silly thoughts, including her reference to children as "banal, private reproductive life" [utter rubbish] and her suggestion that all motherly inclinations should be left in the household, but you can read the article yourself.

After calming myself down by moving on to decide whether I thought Michele Obama should flaunt her arms as much as she does, I reached the conclusion that I shouldn't be angry with Nancy---I should feel sorry for her. It is truly a shame that she has yet to realize the treasure and the many beauties of motherhood. I feel like Nancy is yet another woman wrapped up in some of the warped ideas of feminism, including,"Men don't talk about their kids non-stop at work, so women should do the same." Well, I hate to break it to you, Nancy, but women are not men. Mothers have an inherently closer relationship to their children than fathers ever will---9 months in the womb will tend to do that. Having children shapes a woman's personhood; it intrinsically changes her. And it changes her for the better at that. Even though a woman cannot put "Mother" on her business resumé, motherhood undeniably shapes her as a person. So, asking mothers to stop talking about their children in the workplace is essentially the same thing as asking mothers to stop coming to work, period. Once you have a child, you cannot all the sudden decide to separate the new, beautiful, budding life you brought into this world from your personal identity [Not that I know this from experience...but I am confident in this statement's validity].

One would think that Nancy, who openly shares her fertility struggles with her readers, would be one of the most excited, over-the-top mothers around. Unfortunately, the ideas of how a woman should be in the workplace seem to have stifled her personal excitement. See, I think Nancy really is an overly-excited mother at heart and that modern society has muffled this excitement; Nancy thinks that expressing motherhood's beautiful impact on her is socially unacceptable and essentially unattractive and unappealing. Yes, I agree that women should be able to talk about more than their wonderful bundles of joy [this, after all is healthy], but the idea of a woman removing herself completely from being a mother at any point in time, even if "just" while at work, is extremely scary and heartless.

Society has no right to tell a mother to prevent her motherhood from molding her person, firstly because this is impossible and secondly because it is a denial of a woman's femininity. I truly feel that motherhood is one of the ultimate expressions of a woman's femininity. It is something beautiful that should be cherished and taken as one of God's most fabulous gifts to women. It is a shame that the demands of modern society and the workplace are making women not embrace this gift as they should. Modernity is making women deny their femininity in the most basic sense when it asks them to sever themselves from motherhood, and it makes me very very very angry. But more than angry, it makes me truly sad. I really feel bad for Nancy and all the other women out there who feel the same way--I also feel bad for their children. It's a shame that it's harder than ever to truly embrace one's femininity. I can only hope and pray that these perceptions will change eventually.

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."

Ah, yes...Coco Chanel. Although I have yet to own any of her classic tweed jackets or one of her irreplaceable quilted, patent leather clutches (I'm still trying to convince my parents that it would be a worthwhile investment), I love that woman's style. She beautifully grasped the concept of femininity not only in fashion but in her outlook on life. Coco's got it right--I mean, doesn't every girl want to be both classy and fabulous? I think it would be hard to find a girl who truly feels otherwise. Now, I emphasize the word "truly" because modern society, as it seems to me, encourages women to stifle the feminine qualities that they all innately possess. Yes, that's right, I said it: Modern society is killing the classy and fabulous woman. Women feel more pressure than ever before to live up to the "standards" of our male counterparts, but it really just turns women into wannabe-guys...ick. I can hear the feminist chitter chatter in my head right now:

A. "Makeup! Blah! That's so archaic. Men don't have to wear makeup. So why should I? People should love me for who I am, not what I cake on my face."

B. "Heels are so confining. They're just a microcosm of the years of subservience women with which women have dealt at the hands of a misogynistic society. I would rather wear these über-comfortable loafers instead."

C. "Cooking is for 1950s cookie cutter housewives, and I'm not one of those women. I won't cook at all unless I am compelled to do so."

D. "I am 100% feminist, so I only spell women 'womyn' because I am not any kind of 'addition' to my male counterparts."

And here is my response to each of the above situations:

A. Makeup wouldn't have been invented if it didn't have a purpose. Although I agree that all women are naturally beautiful, there is nothing wrong with enhancing our inherent beauty. This is, after all, part of what makes a woman truly feminine. There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your physical appearance by enhancing your God-given assets. PLUS, it's stupid to say that men don't have to do anything to maintain their appearance. I highly doubt any woman in her right mind would approach a man with terribly overgrown, mismanaged, and mangled facial hair. Putting on mascara (all that is really needed given a well-taken care of complexion) is a much easier task than shaving one's face.

B. Heels accentuate a woman's naturally beautiful figure. A woman should never shy away from embracing her feminine form, because the minute she does so, she in fact gives in to male dominance. I think women should strive to separate themselves from their male counterparts to truly establish their own, individualized role in society. That's not to say that I oppose women striving for equal rights and whatnot (I really am ALL FOR IT), I just think it can be done in such a way that maintains the "traditional" roles of both women and men. Come on, everyone, guys and gals are not at all the same. O, and über-comfortable, stylish loafers are acceptable, but only with jeans or dress trousers. Heels, however, always give a lady a sense of power and demonstrate immense confidence---a guy couldn't stand even the thought of donning 4-inch Manolo Blahniks.

C. Don't shoot down the 1950s lifestyle. There is something to be said for a traditional household, and no one can try to tell me otherwise. Cooking can be quite relaxing, and I, for one, enjoy it. I cannot wait for the first time I get to cook a meal for my family. I feel like cooking for your loved ones is one of the most basic ways to show affection and love for other people. And you can wear (if you like) a super-cute apron in the process...just one of the added benefits of cooking up delicacies. Basically, don't hate on it until you try it.

D. This last statement is just plain stupid. Any word whose recorded first use dates to 1975 shouldn't count [Saying "womyn" is a word is like saying "bootylicious" is a legit word]. And, is there anything wrong with the notion of complementing another human being? After all, it's in our human nature to interact with one another, so it should be embraced as wonderful that a word in the English language, i.e. "woma(e)n," can embrace that essential aspect of our humanness. Like I said, "womyn" is just silly.

Now that I've seemingly ratted on feminism, I best clarify my viewpoints.

I love feminism. I love women who strive to be strong and powerful. I love women who develop strong careers and raise wonderful families on their own. I love women who truly define themselves separate from societal norms.

I also love aprons...and cardigans...and pearls...and a-line skirts...and brooches...and cashmere...and baking...and families...and stay-at-home moms.

So, I write this blog not to hate on feminism but to simply provide a complementary opinion to the feminist ideas that permeate society. In my eyes, feminism and femininity have become mutually exclusive when they really shouldn't be. I really think that a lady can embrace her truest self, her absolutely wonderful femininity, and maintain a degree of power and respect while upholding the classic definition of femininity---not that this is, in any way, an easy task. I want to encourage people to take a second look at women's roles in society and to reconsider their opinions on the ideas of traditional roles of men and women. Look at Coco Chanel---she wonderfully upheld femininity while building an impressive fashion empire. We need to come to embrace feminism and femininity together, just like Coco.

Before I proceed with this blog, I should probably share a little more about me. I am a 20 year old student at Georgetown University studying Government with a focus in Political Theory. I come from a traditional, Midwestern family where my father works and my mother stays at home; I have 2 younger sisters and 2 dogs. Most of my involvement in college has been with a variety of Catholic stuffs, and I find this involvement to be a defining part of who I am as a person. I enjoy fashion and shopping very much, because I enjoy expressing myself in clothing; I am well-noted among my friends for my brooches. Clothing is a way of expressing my pride in myself, my pride in being a young lady with an eye for the classic, traditional fabulousness that has long since disappeared from American society.

Now, with all this being said, I am in no way a close-minded individual. I have been exposed to a variety of lifestyles during my short life; in fact, I have witnessed various rebellions of sorts within my household led by my sister--I tell you this to let you know that my parents have not shoved their opinions down me and my sister's throats-- I want you to know that my views are my own. Even my own mother laughs at my fashion sense. Just the other day she told me a skirt suit I purchased looks like something a nun would wear; what was my response, you ask?: "Mom, a nun would never wear an exposed zipper top with a high waisted, properly darted pencil skirt. Plus, if I pair it with a brooch, silk scarf, and patent leather heels, this outfit will certainly be modern." I think my mom just laughed, wondering where the hell I came from.

Basically, my parents have helped to maintain an extremely open-minded household. And while I completely love the way I grew up, I understand that it's not for everyone, and I have seen the ups and downs of being a stay-at-home mom in my own household. I just want you to know that I am neither jaded nor sheltered.

I don't always wear makeup, I don't only wear high heels, I wear jeans/trousers 95% of the time, and I enjoy my tennis shoes as much as the next girl. I just want this blog to encourage a greater appreciation for all things feminine, that is, things that inherently make a woman feminine [her thoughts, her natural femininity] as well as more superficial things like clothing and fashion; because, if it were practical, I probably would dress to the nine every day. I am sure this blog will contain rambling posts, trying to convey my emotions and opinions. After all, I am a 20 year old lady, and we all tend to be a little on the crazy side at times. This should prove to be an interesting exploration of who I am as a person...May we all enjoy!

CHEERS!