Ode to hats

Ever since I was a little girl, whenever my mother would take me into a department store, my focus for the entire shopping trip would be to get to the hat section and try on as many fashion hats as humanly possible. My mom would always chuckle and tell me that I had a good face for donning such hats [hats with feathers, hats with bows, hats with 12 inch brims], but then would tell me to set them aside as we moved on to more important things.

The golden age of fashion hats seems to have come to an end. Even if I owned a hat, I'm afraid my sentiment would be that of Erma Bombeck, who once said, "I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it." You just don't see young ladies wearing hats anymore...and I don't really understand why.

Firstly, hats are most practical in the summer time [especially for pale people like me] and when it's colder out [they keep your head warm]. Secondly, hats draw attention to your face and indubitably make whatever you say seem much more important than if you weren't wearing a hat. Thirdly, young men still wear classy fashion hats, so young ladies should, as well [harumph!]. Fourthly, you can wear fashion hats pretty much anywhere [Emily Post says so].

With all of these reasons in mind, I have decided that if/when I go to graduate school, I will expand my accessory collection to include hats...fancy hats. I will wear hats with bows, hats with feathers, hats covered in lace, and hats with ginormous brims. I will wear hats that, today, scream "lady going to hear a Baptist sermon on Sunday," all for the sake of classic femininity and fulfilling my childhood dream.

Who knows? Maybe other ladies will follow suit; after all, with all of the above reasons in mind [especially the visual importance gained from such hats], I cannot imagine ladies not wanting to do so.

I know one thing, though---I absolutely cannot wait to walk into Nordstrom and finally buy a hat.

Tasting Stars

"Come quickly, I am tasting stars!"
Dom Pérignon at the moment of his discovery of champagne

Ever since I turned 21, I have received numerous requests from friends to write an entry about "how to drink like a lady." Being the stubborn woman that I am, though, I felt that such a post was silly or not worth my time...well, my stubbornness has subsided [for the time being].

For me, being a true lady entails not only behaving a certain way but also having knowledge about various things, both cultural and academic [there is nothing less appealing than a woman who has nothing to say and no opinion on a matter]. So, when I turned 21, I set out to attain vast knowledge about the world of spirits. I do not claim to be a connoisseur of drinking, but I have certainly taken it upon myself to learn a fair deal about how to order a drink [or two].

Please note that my advice is solely with respect to spirits--I do not provide any advice about beer [not a very feminine drink if you ask me] or wine, which is always a classy option, and I think that every lady [and gentleman] should have basic knowledge of wine, whether she drinks it or not.

My first piece of advice advice for ladies who want to enter in the world of drinking [or just learn about it...you don't have to drink spirits to know about them] is to not be afraid to talk to a bartender or mixologist [mixologists are, by far, preferred for the learning process---they have special training and tend to know about pre-prohibition drinks (very classy). If you wanted to learn about teeth, you'd talk to someone who works with teeth; so, if you want to learn about spirits, you'd talk to someone who works with spirits]. The thing is, though, that you have to be exceptionally careful about from whom you ask advice. You do not want to learn about the world of fine beverages from your local sports bar [no!]; you want to venture to a nicer bar, renowned for its style and variety of fine brands. Go with some friends and simply talk to the tender...ask questions. My favorite question to ask is, "What is that funny shaped bottle of?" [not only do I learn when I ask this, but I also get a free sample 9/10 times].

My second piece of advice to ladies is, after attaining a general knowledge about finer beverages, to pick one or two spirits and learn a lot about them. This means you must do two things: First, you must visit places that specialize in whatever your spirit choices are; Second, you must read about the spirits online to acquire knowledge about mixed beverages and brand tastes/reputations. Even if you do not drink, this knowledge can help in making recommendations and simply in showing your cultural knowledge [very impressive].

For example, a lady who chooses to learn about gin will learn about the different brands of gin, what makes each brand have a distinct taste, and various mixed drinks that have gin in them. Furthermore, she will know what drink to recommend when [a gin gimlet might be best consumed in a cocktail setting whereas a gin & tonic might be consumed with food]. Finally, I find it far more appealing for a lady to enjoy simple drinks with 4 or less ingredients [no Long Islands...sorry].

On a similar note, once you find a drink you like, stick to it---make it your "signature." There is something to be said for a lady who knows what she likes and is reliable in her tastes. So, if you really like ordering sparkling water with cranberry juice, order it regularly! Also, do not "lower" your standards of quality or brand to save money...if you have good taste, do not accept anything but the best, for the best is precisely what you deserve. It is far better to have only one very nice beverage than several disgusting drinks.

My final advice to ladies who do elect to drink spirits is to learn their limits. There is nothing more unattractive than a lady who chooses to repeatedly make a fool of herself in public [case in point: Snooki]. Everyone makes mistakes [that is part of being human and a part of the learning process], but you must be sure to learn from them.

Once the above knowledge is attained, any lady should feel most comfortable in a setting where spirits are consumed, whether she drinks or not [she will, most likely, floor her companions with her impressive knowledge...and put her male friends in their proper places]. It is a social knowledge area in which I feel all ladies should be somewhat competent.

Hopefully these general suggestions will quell my friends' requests for a discussion on spirits.