Some HOT Reflections

This summer, I decided to force myself to practice Bikram Yoga at least 3 times a week. Some call the practice masochistic; others call it absolutely insane; I simply like to call it wonderful. Anyways, sitting in a 105 degree room for 100 minutes at a time provides more than enough time for deep introspection and meditation. Often, I try to not think [it's very hard] and just recognize the harmony within my body [sometimes it's more just reminding myself to breathe and not pass out...kind of the same thing I suppose]. Other times, I don't consciously do anything and let thoughts arise whenever, but I usually wind up dismissing them because I'm too exhausted to pay them any attention. This past class, though, I could not stop thinking about the manly lady who was practicing yoga next to me.

She was older [like 40ish maybe] and was completely ripped. That is, she had a 6-pack similar to that of a GI-Joe figurine. And, boy, did she think she was hot stuff. I, on the other hand, thought she was absolutely disgusting looking...she reminded me of a scrawny, über-fit guy, with breast implants [based on the look on the guy behind me's face, he thought she was pretty bizarre looking, too].

Basically, she definitely distracted my yoga meditation time [not cool]. In fact, she even distracted me after the yoga class, because I couldn't stop thinking about how gross she looked. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that I've seen several women with that kind of more masculine-body builder physique at Bikram [thank God I've avoided having them practice anywhere near me]. So, what's up with this? Why on earth would these ladies want to look super-buff and manly? I don't even know many GUYS who want to look that fit.

There is definitely a line between acceptable and unacceptable fitness. I, for one, never think that a totally ripped figure is attractive OR, more importantly, NATURAL on a woman...EVER. It looks funny and clothes simply don't lay properly on such women [plus, such women have a tendency to think that they can wear super-tight clothing to show off their hideously muscle-ridden bodies---gross]. A nice, trim, figure is certainly preferable and more pleasing to the eye. One can be healthy without being overly-muscly.

After much thought, I have decided that physical fitness has become a way for women to demonstrate their capabilities. It is the most basic way for them to show their strength in an easy-to-understand fashion. I mean, who wouldn't be slightly intimidated by an individual with a woman's head and a body-builder man's body? [Such an appearance is at-least off-putting, if not absolutely terrifying.]

Ultimately, though, I feel like an intimidating exterior never really achieves what it intends, especially if these women are striving to create an impression of power. Confusing people by looking half-man, in my opinion, will never work. It just looks stupid. Developing extreme muscle-mass to establish power is parallel to women abandoning their intrinsic femininity in hopes of being more well-respected amidst a seemingly male-dominated environment. This is yet another simple example of how women are abandoning their femininity when they really need not do so. I imagine that it is easier to gain respect when you embrace yourself [that is, as a woman] and behave in a fashion that yields respect than when you try to be something you're not.


So, maybe next time I see a manly woman at Yoga, I'll kindly tell her that she must have a hard time finding pearls to fit around her bulging neck...and then run.

Bad Taste

So, I was waiting for a meeting to begin at work the other day, and I couldn't help but listen to the conversation two ladies were having behind me [to help you better visualize the situation: They both had teased hair, wore light blue sparkly eye shadow, donned gaudy costume-y jewelry, and had shoulder pads underneath their oversized skirt suits]. They were discussing how much they like the few-year-old policy that requires at least one woman to serve on all hiring boards. Each lady mentioned instances where she was selected to serve on such a board simply because of her gender; furthermore, both suggested that they had no problem with this appointment system.

Perhaps these women didn't think twice of their gender-based role on hiring committees, because they really feel that they actually deserved such positions based on workplace accomplishments; but their tones of voice suggested otherwise. In fact, their discussion implied that they had almost "beat the system" undeservingly because of their gender.

I have found that, in the work environment, some women feel that they are immediately deserving of certain positions and job perks [these ladies could very well be in the minority, but they have certainly stuck out to me]. It seems that their mindset is, "Hey! I'm a woman. We haven't always been equal to men, so now you have to make up for it and give me all this stuff, even if I really haven't earned it. And if you don't give me these perks, I'm just going to say you didn't give it to me because I'm a woman...so there."

I kind of...sort of...[but don't really] get this mindset. It may be true that women haven't always been allowed to hold high positions in business environments, but this modern actuality does not entitle them to certain perks without the necessary qualifications. I, for one, would much rather have a hiring board of qualified gentlemen than one that consists of unqualified women.

Of course, I do think that there are qualified ladies to participate on these hiring boards, and I do understand that at least one woman is required to partake to prevent bias from unknowingly influencing decisions. I just don't think that the people making these appointment decisions are working hard enough to seek out these deserving ladies, which is a problem in itself---it is as though these decision makers are assuming that all women are "equal" [that is, equally deserving and able...so dumb and not true] and that their inherent sexuality is of greater importance than their workplace accomplishments and intellectual abilities.

Basically, if these aforementioned women really want to achieve anything in the real world that will yield true respect, they need to stop using their historical disadvantages to gain unearned workplace rewards. Women need to step up and do a good job; they must stop resting on their gender. If women don't stop doing so, they will simply be perpetuating gender stereotypes.

I beg of ladies to step up, respect themselves, respect all womankind, and respect their coworkers by working hard [and not wearing shoulder pads or pastel eyeshadow].

How to have an awkward dinner conversation

The other day, my family and I were having dinner when, at one point, there was a lull in the conversation, which I [o so brilliantly] quickly came to fill with the statement, "You know, I was thinking about it the other day...I really don't remember too many happy things from when I was younger." [Yes, I really did say that.] Of course, my parents just stared at me, and my sisters squirmed, during the awkward silence. Soon, though, my mother filled the new [and more awkward] lull, saying, "Well, Kate, sometimes it's easier to remember the bad things." She then went on to prompt my memory of many fond memories [family trips, funny moments, friendships, enjoyable outings, etc.], and I realized that the happy memories were much more numerous than I had initially thought. In fact, they greatly outnumbered the less pleasant memories. I couldn't help but wonder why I could only immediately recall mostly "bad" memories [i.e. fights with siblings, getting in trouble, etc.].

I think I've always had a hard time with family stuff. I have always had an active life outside of home that has kept me away from my family for much of my youth [voice lessons, active community service, and dancing 30 hours a week from ages 10-18 does that]. So, when I would go home, I would only be able to compare it to, what I viewed was, my idyllic world of extracurricular activities; in my eyes, I was more of an "adjunct" child/sister. However ungrateful or selfish it might sound, part of me never wanted to return home...I just wanted to keep doing what I loved. My family put my active world of perfection to the side and replaced it with reality. Thus, I think that I have usually associated my family with "bad" things [i.e. things I cannot control], resulting in the seeming overabundance of negative memories.

Now, my family life was/is not bad at all. I have been very blessed with two loving parents, two very nice younger sisters, and a welcoming and caring home environment. Of course, my family has had its ups and downs, but certainly nothing extreme has ever happened. My issues with my home life revolved around my inability to accept that things were never "perfect" at home; that is, things were out of my control. In fact, I have had an outstandingly happy youth.

In the past few years, I have come to recognize my deep control issues, but my recent outburst has helped me reflect on this revelation even more. How can I want to be a good mother if I cannot even fully embrace the family in which I am only a child? How can I function in any kind of family if I cannot deal with anything that I view as imperfect or undesirable?

My initial explanation for my negative association with family was that I am simply a terrible, selfish individual. But after much reflection, I have decided that that is not the case at all. I am not at all ungrateful. I am not extremely selfish. I never have been. I simply like things to be perfect, to be the best not only for myself but also for my family. I want everyone to be as happy as possible, and when that doesn't happen, I simply get frustrated and upset. No matter how badly I want everything to go exceedingly well, things rarely go according to my chimeric plans.

Hopefully, I will eventually be able to channel my intense desire for everyone to be happy in a way that will allow me to embrace my family life to its fullest. I think that a lot of people, especially mothers, struggle with this same dilemma. It is hard to let go and let reality take place. It is hard to face the fact that not everything can go according to plan. I imagine that this is something with which I will continue to struggle, especially if I ever have children. As my parents have shown me, sometimes the best thing for a parent to do is let go of any dreams of their children's utter, picturesque perfection in order to deal with the presented reality so that a different kind of perfection can be attained. One day, I hope that I will be instilled with such outstanding parental capabilities.

I guess it's been a good reminder that I still have some growing up to do.

Nip:Zip::Tuck:Zap

The other day, my mom and I were driving somewhere when an interesting story came on the radio [FYI: my mom only plays NPR and Christian music when she's driving us kids somewhere, because she wants to balance out all that "stuff" me and my sister's listen to---funny, right?]. The creator of Nip/Tuck, Ryan Murphy, was talking about his newest show, Glee, and even though I ardently admire all things show choir related [I kind of wish Georgetown had a show choir...that would be awesome], his aside on Nip/Tuck and plastic surgery's decreased popularity caught my attention.

Murphy claimed that he created Nip/Tuck to present the ugly reality of plastic surgery through brutally realistic recreations of surgeries; he wanted to demonstrate that artificial physical alterations only speak to deeper psychological problems that only proper counseling can fix. The show first aired at the boom of plastic surgery in 2003 and is closing at what Murphy argues is a time when plastic surgery is not nearly as popular. He contributes this demise of sorts to the rise of less invasive procedures [botox, lipodissolve, and other nonsurgical alternatives]. While Murphy applauds this shift [after all, it's just stupidSTUPIDstupid to go under the knife for an unnecessary surgery], I don't know if I am quite as thrilled.

While plastic surgery is admittedly stupid, it at least requires people to think about their physical alterations significantly more than a botox injection or lipodissolve requires. I mean, getting any kind of invasive surgery like liposuction or a face lift requires multiple doctors' appointments, consultations, and overall health evaluations; any kind of non-invasive procedure doesn't require this. Rather, such procedures simply allow people to immediately satiate frivolous desires, thus exemplifying society's general problem of focusing too much on temporal pleasures that never lead to true happiness--it's just an easier way of doing something relatively bad.

Of course, women are the most frequent culprits of using medical procedures to alter their physical appearance. Most women want to present themselves as the best people they can be [I, of course, have no problem with this desire; women should want to be proud], whether it be in clothing, makeup, physical fitness, etc. However, plastic surgery, or any kind of surgical physical alteration, in my opinion, is a show of weakness. It's just a way of avoiding dealing with your truest person and openly admits that you are not happy with who you are; rather than demonstrating a lady's pride in herself, it discloses disappointment.

These procedures serve as ways of avoiding dealing with the deepest sense of self by becoming, physically, something you truly aren't. It is admittedly easier to go into a doctor's office for a 10 minute botox appointment or a one hour lipo-dissolve session than it is to face your innermost concerns. So, these noninvasive procedures simply encourage continued ignorance of the real problems at hand; they make it easier to be something you're not. And for this, I almost hate botox more than breast augmentations.

Women are better than these procedures. Women have the self-control and ability to improve themselves without any kind of medical method. Supermodels and movie stars should no longer serve as standards of beauty [Come on, we all know about how stupid those people are thanks to the tabloids]. By turning to medical physical alterations, ladies are just selling themselves short and admitting to stereotyped weakness; it shows an inability to fully embrace and love being the woman you are lucky to be.

Now I'm not saying women should lay around and not do anything to deal with any perceived physical shortcoming. I just think individual women should utilize their personal strengths to improve themselves, whether it be through going to counseling, surrounding themselves with people who help them feel as beautiful as they truly are, or even new workout regimens. Injections and surgeries will never make you feel truly beautiful, only life filled with appreciation and gratefulness can do so.

Yes, it is understandable for every person to express some kind of unhappiness with regards to physical appearance. Yes, it is understandable to want to "fix" whatever you deem wrong. This being said, it is not understandable to put yourself at risk for "fixing" things that need not be fixed [under normal circumstances, no one needs a butt implant, no one needs a breast augmentation, no one needs rhinoplasty]. Doctored physical alterations, whether invasive or not, simply fail at trying to resolve deeper unhappiness. After all, I personally think that women should be proud that they are aging, women should be proud to physically show all that they have overcome whether young or old. Why on earth would you want to pretend that your life has been less than it is? Why would you want to ignore symbols of hardships you've overcome? Why would you want to eliminate physical manifestations of memories? Why would you want to hide wrinkles that represent a lifetime leading to greater wisdom? In my opinion, it is these physical markings that make a woman most beautifully feminine [plus, you just look silly (and somewhat unattractive) when you try to be something you're not].

Women are not barbie dolls--we are human. We get scars, we get wrinkles, things sag...we get old. That's life. Ladies just need to accept the reality of things and stop trying to turn themselves into seemingly everlasting beings.