Eating Humble Cake [...i don't like pie...]

My entire life I have been blessed with great opportunities. Whether it was winning the science fair, attending competitive summer ballet intensives, being nominated for various honors, or just being recognized for any general academic experience, I have been fortunate enough to receive abundant recognition and reassurance that I'm doing well. Still, with such recognition, my parents have always carefully ensured that I maintain the utmost humility. In fact, growing up, it was rare that my various achievements would be the focus of any family conversation or activity; I never got prizes for good grades or rewards for outstanding achievements. Even though it wasn't expected that I would do fantastically and receive recognition, such achievements were not a surprise either.

Consequently, I more often than not downplay how proud I am of achievements. In fact, I am usually embarrassed by awards and whatnot [I'm even embarrassed by my birthday--yes, I am ridiculous]. There are few friends with whom I share any recognitions I've received, because I have this intense fear of coming across as arrogant and overly proud. Even though I enjoy celebrating the achievements of others, I simply cannot get it in my [thick] head that others might enjoy celebrating my achievements [that would just be absurd!].

I have, as a result, diagnosed myself with a case of "over-humility;" it seems that I ate too much of the humble cake when growing up.

My humbleness is out of an extreme desire to be polite and appealing [no one wants to be around an overbearing proud person]. I think that many women expect this kind of humility of themselves in a dire attempt to be accepted and not stand out. And those women who do not act humbly, those women with an intense desire to prove themselves in a world historically dominated by our male counterparts, are precisely the ones who make me want to be even more humble.

See, I think female humbleness is most associated with the "good ol' days" where motherhood was such an honor, prior to the advent of women in the workplace; women's achievements were all deeply personal and associated with the family. Now that women's achievements have extended beyond the domestic realm, I think that more traditionally-centered women struggle with how to recognize any "worldly" achievements they might have. There is an overwhelming sense that any achievement of mine is markedly minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

But this mentality is precisely what limits women from obtaining their clearest definition of self, a true sense of confidence that is both better for themselves and those around them. And I, like others, am guilty of this overly-humble mentality. With over-humility, one fails to celebrate the life which which she was blessed, which is quite sad...quite sad indeed.

I certainly applaud humility [as it is a genuine recognition of personal and human limitations], but as a friend told me, there is such a thing as good pride. It's okay to be proud of achievements...One must simply remember that people enjoy celebrating the achievements of others; it's part of our social nature. Plus, knowing that people are doing good things is a tiny reminder that the world is more full of hope than news headlines often lead us to believe.

So, as long as I maintain a respectful level of pride, I think it is perfectly acceptable to celebrate outstanding things I do. It will take some time to get used to this, but I think it will ultimately result in a greater level of personal contentedness as well as a more genuine humility.

It's about time that I lay off the cake a little bit...

What comes next?

One of my friends recently sent me a link to the oh so lovely NY Times article, "Blue is the New Black" by Maureen Dowd. In the article, Dowd asserts that the reason women are less happy now then about 30 years ago is because new gender-equality has presented women with an over-abundance of choices: marriage, work, family, kids, travel, etc., etc. Of course, I don't think this is the case at all. In fact, I think that Dowd and everyone in accordance with her are quite out of their minds and underestimating women [Of course choices can be stressful (duh)! But everyone has to make them, and having to make decisions does not yield long-term "less-than-happiness"].

My gut reaction in response to Dowd's assertions was that women are in this general "funk" of less-than-happiness , not because they can't handle the stress of choice, but rather because they have yet to truly embrace themselves, that is, they have yet to truly love being women [yes, one of my favorite themes].

But after some thought and personal reflection, I don't think my gut-reaction was right.

See, I have found myself in a "funk" lately, as well, and I think that my "funk" of less-than-happiness parallels what many women may be feeling now. I have always been one to look for what comes next, whether it be colleges, work, internships, or any other kind of opportunity. I thrive on the potential for something else, something new. But what happens when there isn't anything next? What happens when things are working out and the next is already kind of figured out? Or, worse, what if there is no obvious "next"?

I am currently settled in at school, buckled down for another approximately 2 years of undergrad. There's nothing "next" other than grad school, which is pretty much a given, and (hopefully) a family. Now I'm creating the next, the next is waiting for me to take it...I'm no longer waiting for the next to happen. Now the next is up to me; there's no set plan [hopefully this is making some kind of sense outside of my head].

Like me, women are unsure of what comes next....there's no clear plan for what to aim for, since it seems that we now have that for which we were waiting. See, prior to all of the workplace and societal advancements towards greater gender-equality, women were always waiting for their "next"--the realization of rights that they knew they deserved, so there was some kind of intrinsic excitement and purpose among the female population. Now that this "next" has generally come, women are faced with a lull, a time of not waiting for any kind of "next," a time of awkward uncertainty and lack of intrinsic purpose.

This is not to say that advancements still need not be made in favor of women, but it is to say that things have undeniably come a long way in favor of women.

Thus, as far as I can tell, this lack of happiness that Dowd notes among the female population, is a lack of a new "frontier" for women rather than an overwhelmed stress. So, perhaps women need to pick up a new next; perhaps, in order to be happy and feel purpose-driven once again, women need to take a look at themselves and learn how to truly love themselves for all that they are. Perhaps women need to take a closer look at what it means to be a woman; they need to look at the graces bestowed upon them. They need to learn how to embrace their newly found rights and not lose their intrinsic femininity.

Ladies just need to learn to be genuinely content with where they are.

That's what I'm trying to do. And I think that's a pretty good next.

cut it

I'll never forget the day I sat down in the salon chair and told my stylist, "Cut it--all of it. I want to see my ears. I don't want to be able to pull my hair back at all. Just cut it."

After having long-ish hair for the first 19 years of my life, cutting my hair to a short pixie was the most liberating experience I've ever had [partially because it represented the end of countless hours of ballet that forced my hair into the confines of a bun, but also because it meant less time spent taking care of it]. I positively adore being able to get up and go, not having to brush my hair, and it only taking 3 minutes to blow dry completely. Unlike some of my female counterparts, I cut my hair short for style/aesthetic, rather than feminist-driven, reasons [I didn't cut my hair to make any kind of gender or political statement]. I personally find short hair to be extraordinarily chic and feminine on certain ladies [myself, in my opinion, included]. I simply LOVE my hair and do not plan on growing it out any time soon---it looks far too good with my long frame and wardrobe [especially my newest coat :-)].

It never once crossed my mind that some people wouldn't like it. I just assumed everyone would find my haristyle bold, yet classic and refined. It wasn't until I read Johanna Cox's "Get Shorty" that I began to think, "Maybe not everyone finds ladies with short hair to be chic, fashionable, or even attractive...Maybe this was a 'bad' decision."

In "Get Shorty," Johanna reveals her personal hair journey, which involves being inspired by a model's choppy pixie and then being ditched by her boyfriend of 2 years because he wasn't attracted to her new "short-haired" appearance and then winding up with a guy who likes her hair, but would prefer it be longer.

Johanna notes that she loves her short hair, that she, like me, finds it undyingly chic and flattering. But she also notes that men do not necessarily think this way. In fact, a recent psychological study, in which images of female faces were given differing lengths of hair and then evaluated for attractiveness by male participants, has revealed that "longer hair had a significantly positive effect on the ratings of a woman's attractiveness; shorter styles did not." At a more basic level, hair is viewed as an indicator of personal health---that is, long hair indicates good health since it visually demonstrates longevity. Basically, the majority of men have what I like to call the "Rapunzel-complex."

While reading the article, I just kept thinking to myself, "O my. I'm going to die alone. I'm already tall, ridiculously blunt, and easily annoyed...My short hair is just making me scream 'LEAVE ME ALONE' louder than ever before." Everything else I cannot help [it's just who I am], but the haircut I certainly can change, and who doesn't want to improve their odds of achieving "success"?

I'll admit it---Johanna's article made me consider growing my hair out

...

But only for a split second.

While I understand that longer hair is more of a traditional indication of femininity, I am still in love with my shorter hair...in fact, I'm kind of obsessed with it. Never before have I felt so confident. Never before have I felt so intrinsically feminine. I think short hair is a bold indication of self-confidence [especially when paired with classic attire] and extreme femininity when the cut is donned properly. You could never convince me that a short, stubby, 300+pound woman with long hair is more appealingly feminine than a 5'10", size 6, lady with short hair...no way. If it is worn appropriately, short hair can be perhaps more feminine than hair that reaches the floor. It all depends on the person who dons it and how they choose to wear it.

Yes, I recognize that some guys will never like girls with short hair, and I'm okay with that. I get it. Short hair is different, and a guy, due to social constructs regarding gender-apperance, would most likely have to be very comfortable with his own masculinity to show any kind of interest in a girl with short hair.

But, recognizing all this, will I always wonder whether I have "missed" my "Prince Charming" because he will never notice me due to my short hair? Of course not. My true "Prince Charming" would appreciate my cut and recognize its inherent chicness.

Perhaps my short hair is just a way of weeding out the fake-prince-charmings and saving me from wasting my time.

Some HOT Reflections

This summer, I decided to force myself to practice Bikram Yoga at least 3 times a week. Some call the practice masochistic; others call it absolutely insane; I simply like to call it wonderful. Anyways, sitting in a 105 degree room for 100 minutes at a time provides more than enough time for deep introspection and meditation. Often, I try to not think [it's very hard] and just recognize the harmony within my body [sometimes it's more just reminding myself to breathe and not pass out...kind of the same thing I suppose]. Other times, I don't consciously do anything and let thoughts arise whenever, but I usually wind up dismissing them because I'm too exhausted to pay them any attention. This past class, though, I could not stop thinking about the manly lady who was practicing yoga next to me.

She was older [like 40ish maybe] and was completely ripped. That is, she had a 6-pack similar to that of a GI-Joe figurine. And, boy, did she think she was hot stuff. I, on the other hand, thought she was absolutely disgusting looking...she reminded me of a scrawny, über-fit guy, with breast implants [based on the look on the guy behind me's face, he thought she was pretty bizarre looking, too].

Basically, she definitely distracted my yoga meditation time [not cool]. In fact, she even distracted me after the yoga class, because I couldn't stop thinking about how gross she looked. The more I thought about it, though, I realized that I've seen several women with that kind of more masculine-body builder physique at Bikram [thank God I've avoided having them practice anywhere near me]. So, what's up with this? Why on earth would these ladies want to look super-buff and manly? I don't even know many GUYS who want to look that fit.

There is definitely a line between acceptable and unacceptable fitness. I, for one, never think that a totally ripped figure is attractive OR, more importantly, NATURAL on a woman...EVER. It looks funny and clothes simply don't lay properly on such women [plus, such women have a tendency to think that they can wear super-tight clothing to show off their hideously muscle-ridden bodies---gross]. A nice, trim, figure is certainly preferable and more pleasing to the eye. One can be healthy without being overly-muscly.

After much thought, I have decided that physical fitness has become a way for women to demonstrate their capabilities. It is the most basic way for them to show their strength in an easy-to-understand fashion. I mean, who wouldn't be slightly intimidated by an individual with a woman's head and a body-builder man's body? [Such an appearance is at-least off-putting, if not absolutely terrifying.]

Ultimately, though, I feel like an intimidating exterior never really achieves what it intends, especially if these women are striving to create an impression of power. Confusing people by looking half-man, in my opinion, will never work. It just looks stupid. Developing extreme muscle-mass to establish power is parallel to women abandoning their intrinsic femininity in hopes of being more well-respected amidst a seemingly male-dominated environment. This is yet another simple example of how women are abandoning their femininity when they really need not do so. I imagine that it is easier to gain respect when you embrace yourself [that is, as a woman] and behave in a fashion that yields respect than when you try to be something you're not.


So, maybe next time I see a manly woman at Yoga, I'll kindly tell her that she must have a hard time finding pearls to fit around her bulging neck...and then run.