Lamenting the Loss of Hospitalty

Picture this: Frank stops by his friend [not acquaintance] Julia's house to return a book he borrowed. Julia opens the door enough to grab the book [a movie is playing in the background], thanks Frank for bringing it back, and starts to close the door. There is no mention of a busy schedule that prevents hospitality, no inquiry as to how Frank's day was...not a single remnant of polite conversation.

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We live in a world where people constantly whisk friends out of their houses so they can return to their homework, emails, or TV show, and where people generally lack charity in dealing with others. And I just don't get it.

Growing up, my mother always taught me and my sisters not only proper guest etiquette but also proper hosting etiquette--both such lessons were deemed proper, especially for young ladies, to learn [such etiquette applies regardless of age]. Simple gestures like offering a glass of water or a cup of tea, or even just offering a seat, to a friend who drops by are lovely ways to show someone that you truly care. These gestures provide opportunities for you to grow closer to your friends or even open the door to rewarding and fruitful discussions that you might not otherwise have shared [Of course, if you are genuinely too busy to talk to someone, it is fine not to offer, but you should then express your apologies for not having time at the moment and explain why].

So, why are we no longer embracing simple hospitable behaviors? I cannot help but blame our overly-busy lifestyles. In fact, I imagine that many people of my generation did not have the pleasure of learning how to host from their mothers because their mothers worked and didn't have time or a desire to impart such "domestic" knowledge upon their children. Many typical feminists might even assert that such knowledge about etiquette would only serve to unravel recent times' championships...they might say that we should reject such lessons in order to completely "overcome" our terrible past in which women were stereotyped as domestic housewives who simply doted over their family and all guests.


Hmmmm...Rejecting the idea of actually demonstrating that you care....How rude [and mean].


I find the inherently caring nature of women to be one of the most beautiful gifts that comes with being feminine. It is a shame that I have sometimes found my male friends to be more hospitable and generous than my female ones [this is not to say that I am not happy that guys are being so generous---I think it's fabulous that the burden of hospitality no longer only falls on ladies]. At the same time, it's not girls' faults if they don't know how to show compassion and charity in the little things...I truly do blame parents [especially mothers].

In a world where manners and politeness are commonly left for "special" occasions, we seem to have lost sight of the importance of kind [little] gestures' in establishing and maintaining good friendships [I don't care how close you are to someone; standards of politeness must always be maintained].

The sad thing is, I don't know how this will ever change...unless young ladies [who haven't had the pleasure of learning such etiquette from their mothers] start recognizing the loss of their more caring sides and change their behavior accordingly.